Thoughts of an Autistic

Life Update

2010-12-10T11:17:00.002-07:00

Just wanted to make a quick post here to tell the readers I still have where I've been.

End of September/early October, my dad, brother and I moved out of the 1-room apartment we were in, into a house. While I should be happy about the extra space, I'm not completely. Simply put, the house's owner (a relative of one of my dad's friends) doesn't like cats. That means I can't have my cat with me. He's now with my mom, but it's not the same. I had my cat for a good reason, and it's just not fair that I can't have him with me now.

Basically, I've just been trying to deal with all that. I have a post or two planned in the near future. But if anyone really needs me, there's Twitter and Facebook (links to the side).

John Best Stoops to a New Low

2010-07-07T23:37:00.003-07:00

I come to find that beauty on Facebook.

I will be reporting him for a personal attack; however I know it will be meaningless in the end. He's really not worth my time, and I haven't taken him seriously in years, but... wow. That's just really low and uncalled for.

New music

2010-06-24T13:32:00.002-07:00

I'm not quite done with my self-imposed hiatus yet, but I felt the need to post this here. I need all the listens and promotion I can get, and it seems this blog has a decent amount of readers.

OK, the title is misleading. It's not NEW music, but it's new to you. I compiled some old electronica-based stuff I did years ago, onto a new digital release called Old Stuff.

There no vocals in either song, so ignore any song titles (there is a "4-letter word" in one of them) and just listen to it.

It can be downloaded (for free!) here: http://beau99.bandcamp.com/album/old-stuff

Hiatus

2010-05-08T19:11:00.004-07:00

I need one.

I realize not keeping this updated for some time now may count, but I felt I needed to post this message to let my few readers where I was.

In March I think it was, I was in the hospital for a few days. They said I had a seizure. I don't remember any of what went on, but I trust them. Since then I've felt generally tired and some days, I feel slightly ill. It always goes in due time, but I don't know what it could be.

With that posted, no new posts from me until further notice. I'm trying to focus on my music and writing new songs. Thanks for reading, even those on the opposite side of me. Though to be honest, a part of how I few things has changed since I started this. I no longer want anything to do with the autism politics, and I prefer to keep a lot of things private now. If I ever resume posting, I really don't see myself posting a lot about autism any more. I just want to post about what I'm feeling and thinking at the time.

That's about it for now. Once again, thanks for reading.

If you really want to get in touch with me, I have Twitter (see my feed on this page) and Facebook here.

Upcoming

2010-02-14T04:00:00.002-07:00

In about two weeks (February 27, to be exact), I will get to see one of my favorite underrated singers of all time, Mike Doughty. For those of you who are not familiar with him, he is a singer-songwriter from Brooklyn. He attended college at Simon's Rock for two years in the mid-80's before transferring to New School University to take poetry class under professor Sekou Sundiata. In the 1990's, he was in a band named Soul Coughing. They broke up in 2000, he kicked his heroin habit, and started playing solo.

After 5 years of waiting (I became a fan in 2005), Mike is finally making his way to my area. His solo work is one of my biggest influences in my own writings. I wish to tell him this, and hopefully that will happen in two weeks.

I can't wait.

It's that time of year...

2009-11-24T19:01:00.003-07:00

I don't know what it is about the last days of each year.

Is it because it's colder outside? I don't know. Whatever it is, it makes me feel awful. I had thought the happiness I felt seeing U2 in concert back in October would offset this... I guess not.

I mean, depression is really the main reason I haven't been blogging here much at all this year. Here's to hoping I'm well enough soon.

If this is my last post for a while, see you guys next year. Be safe, everyone.

U2 Live - A Review of the 360 Degrees Tour, 10/20/09

2009-10-24T07:04:00.001-07:00

Music concerts are great things. I love getting to go to them, especially as money as tight as it is right now. However, no future concert I attend will even remotely come to close to U2's greatness on October 20, 2009.

This is something I wanted to do back in 2005 on the band's Vertigo Tour, but things came up and I couldn't attend either of the two shows here. This all changed, here in 2009, and it was money well spent.

The band was running late, so naturally the Black Eyed Peas, who opened, started their opening set late to accommodate for this. I wasn't particularly looking forward to BEP - I did think a few of their songs were nice and catchy, but every piece of live stuff I saw on them wasn't good. They proved me - and everyone else in the audience - wrong last night. They did a 9-song, 45-minute set, and from the opening notes of "Let's Get It Started", all the way to the extended ending of their latest hit "I Gotta Feeling", they were able to engage the crowd all the way through. I have to say, I may actually want to catch a full set of theirs in the future. Fergie got her turn in the spotlight, doing not only BEP's new single "Meet Me Halfway", but also her solo hit "Big Girls Don't Cry", in which she held out the last note of the song for about 10 whole seconds.

Now onto U2...

U2 were supposed to start around 8:30, but didn't take the stage until around 9, due to the reason already mentioned. However, I didn't care, I was just happy to be there.

When Bowie's "Space Oddity" was playing over the PA, I knew it was almost time for U2. Then, a new, unreleased U2 track named "Kingdom" played. That segued into an extended drum intro by Larry Mullen Jr. to the song "Breathe". Most reviews of previous shows I've read said that "Breathe" didn't work well as an opening song; I disagree. I like the extended drum intro. Then when the first notes of The Edge's guitar are played, it just works somehow. I can't describe the feeling. Second song was "Get On Your Boots", the first single from the band's latest album, No Line On the Horizon. On the album the song is embarrassingly bad, but it ROCKS live, especially when it's just Bono singing the line 'let me in the sound'; that just asks for audience participation.

Single 2 from No Line, "Magnificent", was next. Bono engaged the crowd to clap in time with the beat, and we gladly obliged. This was also a highlight of the show for me. I knew it would be great live, but it was even better than I expected. Up 4th was "Mysterious Ways", off of the 1991 album Achtung Baby. It was truncated from previous live incarnations - it just didn't seem right without its beginning solo that was included on previous tours.

"I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" had some of the best audience participation of the night. We were so loud that Bono just let us sing the first half of the song! Bono sang the first verse of the song "Dirty Old Town" at the end, dedicated to The Pogues' Shane MacGowan. New song "Unknown Caller" I wasn't looking forward to, but live it was much better than I thought. The Edge's guitar solo at the end ROCKS.

"The Unforgettable Fire" was a song I never thought they would play live again before this tour started, but I'm grateful they put it back in their set, because it is a beautiful tune and very poetic. During "City of Blinding Lights", Bono pulled a young girl (couldn't have been more than 8 or 9) on stage with him. They walked and ran around the circle-shaped catwalk a few times, and then Bono gave the girl his sunglasses. That was a cute moment, I must say :)

A surprising highlight of the show was a dance remix of No Line single 3, "I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight", produced by British DJ Andy Holt, also known by his stage name Redanka. On live recordings, it doesn't sound like much, but it got an otherwise lethargic crowd back into it. That led right into "Sunday Bloody Sunday", which was played better than on most previous tours, and was dedicated to the innocent victims of the 2009 Iranian election protests.

The main set ended with "MLK" and "Walk On"; the first as a solemn prayer for Burmese democracy fighter Aung San Suu Kyi, who has spent the better part of 20 years under house arrest. The second was originally written about her to begin with and was brought back to the set to protest the Burmese military junta's decision to not let her free. Bono threw in a line from "You'll Never Walk Alone", to show that she has the support of many people.

The classic songs "One" and "Where the Streets Have no Name" were featured in the first encore; the first led in by a prerecorded speech by Desmond Tutu. Then when "Streets" started, I immediately felt like Bono did when the band played in Sarajevo in 1997; my voice decided to go away, not because of an illness, but because I was immediately overcome with emotion. I was seriously and honestly on the verge of tears. There was no sadness or anything. It was complete joy.

The final encore consisted of Achtung Baby's "Ultraviolet (Light My Way)", along with "With or Without You", and No Line's "Moment of Surrender". This is perhaps the "emotional point" of the entire show. "Ultraviolet" is a song written from the point of a couple on the verge of breakup, and Bono portrayed a character to suit this. He did the same on WOWY; except that his character this time is alone, and WOWY sounds more honest and heartbreaking than ever before. Before MOS, Bono gave shout-outs to Muhammad Ali and John McCain, and thanked both for their help and generosity in getting debt and AIDS relief over to Africa. The song itself was truncated from its album counterpart, presumably because they were going past curfew. Disappointing, but understandable.

Overall, an unforgettable night, and one I would gladly do again, given the chance. But a word to U2 though - while I liked the set, most people didn't. You could take lessons from the BEP in constructing a great setlist.

Full Black Eyed Peas setlist:

Let's Get It Started
Rock That Body
Meet Me Halfway
Now Generation
Big Girls Don't Cry (Fergie solo)
Pump It
Where Is the Love?
Boom Boom Pow
I Gotta Feeling

Full U2 setlist:

Breathe
Get On Your Boots
Magnificent
Mysterious Ways
Beautiful Day (with snippet of The Beatles' "Blackbird") - dedicated to Muhammad Ali, who was in attendence
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For (with snippet of The Pogues' "Dirty Old Town")
Stuck In a Moment You Can't Get Out Of (Acoustic - Bono and The Edge only)
No Line On the Horizon
Elevation
In a Little While (Extended ending; Bono recognized 3 sisters that were at previous shows in years past and danced with ALL 3 OF THEM)
Unknown Caller (Bono allowed the sisters to sit by Larry Mullen's drum riser; during the guitar solo Bono layed across their laps, doing an infant pose)
Until the End of the World
The Unforgettable Fire
City of Blinding Lights
Vertigo
I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight (Remix; with snippets of Sly & The Family Stone's "Thank You (Falletinme Be Mice Elf Agin)" and Frankie Goes to Hollywood's "Two Tribes")
Sunday Bloody Sunday (with snippet of The Clash's "Rock the Casbah")
MLK
Walk On (dedicated to Aung San Suu Kyi; with snippet of "You'll Never Walk Alone")
======
One
Amazing Grace
Where the Streets Have no Name (with snippet of The Beatles' "All You Need Is Love")
Ultraviolet (Light My Way)
With or Without You
Moment of Surrender (dedicated to John McCain, who was in attendance)

Can't wait for October 20

2009-09-18T23:21:00.001-07:00

That is when I finally get the chance to see my favorite musical group, U2, in concert.

I have been lucky enough to see some great groups live before, but have never had the chance to see U2 before. That has now changed, and I am now the happiest I have been in months. I'm so excited!

The Great Depression

2009-08-24T06:57:00.002-07:00

Excuse the title; I like to use wordplay sometimes to describe things.

Unfortunately, all of the things I have had planned for the future are effectively on hold until further notice.

The CD I'd planned on making? Delayed.

The sports blogs I were going to start? Not happening.

Fact is, while I have had depressed periods in the past, they cannot compare to the last months. Due to personal issues I don't wish to talk about publicly, I have been getting ever so closer to my breaking point. That is something I don't want to happen. So I feel as if I need to just sit back and do things on a smaller level. This is why you've seen a lack of posts on this blog in 2009. I'm just very overwhelmed.

In short: This blog will not have a future post on it until I start to feel better. It's been fun doing this, even with my share of disagreements with certain people (and they know who they are). To everyone else, thanks for the support, and all I ask is to keep the support coming in. I now need it more than ever.

An announcement

2009-05-16T23:06:00.002-07:00

As you are aware, I have been away from blogging on here for quite awhile, and have been focusing on Twitter as of late. Well, I am happy to report that I will be back on here in a few weeks, after I can get to a dentist for my most recent tooth issues.

In addition, I am also in the process of starting two blogs related to sports. One will focus on sports from my state of Arizona, and will be located on the local-based website Fanster. The other will be dedicated to Formula 1 racing, of which I have been a dedicated fan since 1997. Both blogs will be linked here when they are up and running.

Until next time...

Twitter

2009-04-12T05:37:00.002-07:00

Long time, no post.

Basically I haven't had time to blog as much as I did before, so posts on here will be sporadic.

However, I am on Twitter now. You may follow me on there if you so wish.

www.twitter.com/beau99

Bad things always happen to the good guys...

2008-12-04T23:02:00.002-07:00

Well, it seems that way anyway.

http://blogs.suns.com/2008/12/2311/

Quick summary:

Rodney Rogers, a great basketball player AND a great person off-court, fell off his ATV and is now paralyzed from the shoulders down. He played for the Phoenix Suns from 1999-2002 and was a fan favorite. I never met him, but I've heard nothing but positive things about him.

You can send him well-wishes right here. He and his family will read every single letter.

I'm in love.

2008-10-14T01:46:00.003-07:00

This is a long distance relationship, but still... I'm in love with another guy, and he loves me as well.

First met him on a message board related to an interest of mine. It started off as an ordinary friendship, but now we are committed to one another. Just recently I was wondering if anything like this would ever happen to me. But it is happening, and now I feel like a changed man. I've never been happier.

He's going to make me a Christmas gift that he says I'll love (I wonder what it could be) and he's saving up money to visit me sometime next year. Of course, I'd like to do that the other way around (he's in British Columbia near Vancouver), but with our economy how it is, I'll have to settle for him coming here.

I love him a whole lot and I can't wait for the future.

I had a bipolar week.

2008-10-06T02:57:00.002-07:00

I was going to end this blog, but screw it for now.

The beginning of last week sucked.

I was given a chance at a relationship by someone on a message board I go to and then rejected two days later, then I find out he found someone else on said message board. That left me rather pissed and depressed.

But now I have a crush on someone from the same place but he doesn't know yet. I'm going to talk to him a bit more and go from there, as I don't feel the time's right at this moment. On the downside, he's a long way away from me (Belgium, to be exact)... so even if he says yes, IM conversations will have to do for a while.

It's hard knowing that the person you love not only doesn't know, but is also so far away from you.

Wish me luck, because I don't take rejection well, after that recent experience.

EVERYONE, PLEASE READ.

2008-09-17T23:56:00.003-07:00

I know last post I said this blog was being put on hold. It is, but I have a very urgent message.

A rising singer-songwriter named Kelly Buchanan was severely injured in March while playing street hockey, and since then been hardly functional. Even worse, she is uninsured and her family can no longer afford to pay for her healthcare.

On September 10, New York's Knitting Factory held a benefit concert featuring a slew of great artists, and I'm sure the night went great, despite the overall mood.

However, you CAN still donate to her family. Just go here and click the "donate" button. It only takes a minute or so to do, and every little bit will help.

Thanks.

On hold until further notice

2008-09-15T06:37:00.002-07:00

You may have noticed I hadn't posted a new entry since 8/15.

To keep things short and simple, I've been concentrating on other things.

My private, friends-only blog had been neglected ever since I started doing this one.

Also, I've trying to write songs for some of my music projects and haven't been able to advance that very far. That is more important to me right now.

In addition, when I return blogging here, it will have a brand-new title and web address. That won't be for a while now, probably December-January at the earliest.

It will have a lot of posts regarding my foray into music, like progress updates, demos and lyrics, among other things.

Thanks for understanding. I just can't concentrate on doing many things at once.

DMB's LeRoi Moore is now in Heaven.

2008-08-20T00:18:00.003-07:00

Wow.

In late June, Roi was involved in an ATV accident during a break in DMB's summer tour. He had been recovering nicely until July, when he was readmitted to the hospital due to complications. Later, he was sent back home after everything got better.

He was due to begin physical rehab in Los Angeles when he died.

DMB will finish the tour, but nobody is certain what will happen to the new album. If I recall correctly, it wasn't finished yet. They were supposed to go back into the studio after the tour to finish recording.

Now I feel really bad, knowing I won't be able to attend their concert here on Saturday.

Even sadder: His 47th birthday would have been September 7th, just three days after my 22nd.

I am now playing all DMB music all day, and am going to do some of my DMB favorites in karaoke, in his honor.

I just can't believe it. A death has never hit me so hard... and I never even met the man.

What's the big deal??

2008-08-15T14:04:00.003-07:00

Everyone is making much ado about nothing over the movie Tropic Thunder and the use of the word 'retard'.

IT'S JUST A WORD.

It wasn't the first to use it and won't be the last, so why the complaints? You haven't even SEEN the movie.

Where were the Down's advocates when Devo named one of their songs "Mongoloid"? Nowhere, because the Down's advocates reclaimed the word.

I realize my opinion won't be popular with my fellow Hub bloggers. So be it.

It's my opinion. Please let me have it.

WWE + Jenny McCarthy = Nobody watching

2008-08-05T04:29:00.001-07:00

Last night's edition of Saturday Night's Main Event based around actress Jenny McCarthy raising awareness for Autism didn't do too well in the ratings to say the least.

For starters, the show finished in last place in its time slot, getting beat out by America's Most Wanted on Fox, Wipeout on ABC, and a show by the name of Flashpoint on CBS at the same time slot. Well technically, Saturday's Night Main Event didn't finish in last place out of all the networks as the show likely beat out the offerings from The CW and MyNetworkTV, so perhaps WWE can take solace in that. Then again, those stations never offer original programming on Saturday nights, so maybe they're ratings on Saturdays don't count.

Saturday Night's Main Event drew slightly more than half the total viewership of America's Most Wanted on Fox during the same timeslot. We don't have the exact rating, but the show drew 2.38 million viewers according to this article from TVByTheNumbers.com. Believe it or not, the show got beat out by a recent edition of Elite XC on CBS. More than likely, the rating will come in at a 1.4 or 1.5 rating, by far the worst rating in the storied history of Saturday Night's Main Event. And they were in better time slot this time around too, not at midnight.

Source: f4wonline.com

WWE teams up with Generation Rescue

2008-07-23T00:38:00.003-07:00

And being someone who's followed pro wrestling since around late 1996, through the Monday Night Wars and to the industry's current state, I'm understandably ticked.

Vincent K. McMahon has done some terrible things during his tenure as WWE CEO (his dad is rolling in his grave as I type), but this latest scheme is disgusting.

According to what I've read, Jenny McCarthy will be there "to raise awarneness for her (sic) charity (sic), Generation Rescue".

Waitaminute! Since when is GR a charity, and since when is Jenny the founder?

Jenny McCarthy is a lot like Las Vegas. Appealing on the outside (to some), but is, in reality, a skank who has done nothing except decieve people.

Now with the WWE on her side, I fear GR will become more than a fringe group in the near future. Especially with them calling GR "her" group. The press love her. She's a fast talker, which has caused the press to be brainwashed by her.

Feh.

As far as I'm concerned, Vincent K. McMahon can take the little support I did have for the WWE and stick it.

I hope that this will end up being just a case of Wrestlecrap. But I have my doubts.

Get Well Soon!

2008-07-01T14:20:00.002-07:00

I was going to make a different post related to myself, until I saw this news.

Dave Matthews Band saxophonist/woodwind player LeRoi Moore was injured in an ATV accident near his home while having a day off from touring. It is unknown how long he will remain out of commission. It is obviously a serious injury, though the band is not cancelling any tour dates. Jeff Coffin, who plays for Béla Fleck, is taking his place in his absence.

You can send Mr. Moore an e-card here: http://www.healthsystem.virginia.edu/internet/e-cards/

Please do it, even if you don't like DMB.

As for my originally scheduled post, it will come later.

Everyday People

2008-06-27T07:17:00.003-07:00

Dave Matthews Band has been covering Sly and the Family Stone's song "Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin)" on their current tour, and it's awesome.

I was only familiar with "Everyday People" and "If You Want Me to Stay" as far as Sly songs go, however DMB has opened me up to others (including the aformentioned "Thank You", among others).

Now I'm left wondering why I had never heard their songs before. They deserve more recognition.

You ain't never had my cornbread

2008-06-24T06:34:00.003-07:00

Dave Matthews has another potential hit song.

But I must warn, the lyrics are a bit... not clean. They also change slightly each time the song is played. This version is taken from DMB's performance in Camden, NJ on May 31st of this year.

Dancing with the devil 'round the fire
mess your mama's bed for a little more magic
make you wanna run around naked
'cause you know it looks good on you
you ain't ever had my cornbread
little bit of heaven and a little bit of
cut it down the middle, open wide, and jump right in

Seen you there behind this miller's shed
got your boy and giving him head
naughty little girl but you know instead
joy is steeped with sin
cover yourself with guilt and shame
well what that good ain't no one to blame
enjoy yourself while you're in the game
the joy is steeped with sin

It soars inside my soul because of you
all this innocence that you inspire
you know you are as heaven intended you
come on show it off, your lovely flower

Dancing with the devil 'round a fire
mess your mama's bed for a little more magic
make you wanna run around naked
'cause you know it looks good on you
you ain't ever had my cornbread
a little bit of heaven and a little bit of
cut it down the middle, open wide, and jump right in

Yeah, yeah, know you love me
yeah, yeah, know you love me
yeah, yeah, know you love me
joy is steeped with sin
yeah, yeah, know you love me
yeah, yeah, know you love me
yeah, yeah, know you love me
joy is steeped with sin

It soars inside my soul because of you
and all the innocence that you inspire
you know you are as heaven intended you
come on, open up your lovely flower

It's all inside your head
[?] enough inside your head
all you need now to make love happen
it's all inside your head
quite enough inside your head
all that you need to make love, yeah

Dancing with the devil 'round a fire
mess your mama's bed for a little more magic
make you wanna run around naked
'cause you know it looks good on you
but you ain't ever had my cornbread
little bit of heaven and a little bit of
cut it down the middle, open wide, and jump right in

It soars inside my soul because of you
all the innocence that you inspire
you know you are as heaven intended you
open up your lovely flower

It's all inside your head
it's all inside of your head
all that you need to make love happen
it's all inside your head
love inside your head
all that you need to make love happen

[scat singing]

More regarding Andy Bellomo

2008-06-11T16:22:00.002-07:00

http://www.azcentral.com/community/phoenix/articles/2008/06/11/20080611teendeath0611.html

Andy Bellomo took baseball seriously. His coach said the 14-year-old was his own worst critic and constantly demanded excellence.

Andy managed to do that while still having fun, said Brad Brazell, head coach of freshman baseball at Phoenix's Barry Goldwater High School.

"He was just a quirky individual," Brazell said. "He (was) just one of those kids who loved
life."

It was that love of life that friends and family said they will remember about Andy, who was injured Saturday in a Phoenix grease fire.

The accident left Andy with severe smoke inhalation and third-degree burns over 60 percent of his body, fire officials said.

Andy was pronounced dead Monday at John C. Lincoln Deer Valley Hospital, authorities said. Several of his organs were donated, his friends said.

Andy was a freshman baseball and football player at Goldwater High School who drummed in his own band and loved to write, friends said Tuesday.

"He wanted to be a pro baseball player, but if he didn't, he would join the Marines or become a drummer," said Marcus Holt, one of Andy's best friends.

Andy's aunt, Victoria Bellomo, said his death was "absolutely horrific."

"In my mind, I can't imagine how this happened except that he was meant to be with God," she said.

"It's such a stupid tragedy, I just can't get over what happened."

The fire was caused by a pot of cooking oil, said Capt. Jeff Peabody of the Phoenix Fire Department.

Andy had been up late at a friend's house planning to cook french fries, but the unattended oil caught fire and set the entire kitchen ablaze, officials said.

The mother at the house tried to evacuate the three boys in the house, but Andy got lost in the smoke and firefighters found him without a pulse in the bedroom, officials said.

Andy was an intelligent teenager who was not afraid to express his affection for loved ones, Victoria Bellomo said.

"He just hugged and loved you," she said.

"(He was) just like an angel. This just breaks my heart."

Brazell said Andy, who was a pitcher, was proud of his school and had wanted to play baseball there since seventh grade, when Andy first met Brazell at baseball camp.

"He was just one of those unique personalities that every high-school kid wants to be," Brazell said. "He was certainly one that didn't worry about fitting in; he was just being himself."

On Thursday, baseball players from Goldwater High will hold a baseball game and barbecue at 5 p.m. at the varsity baseball field, with donations accepted to a memorial fund in Andy's honor.

On Tuesday evening, several hundred people attended a candlelight vigil to remember Andy's life.

They gathered in the area of 19th Avenue and Union Hills Drive, the site of the house that burned.

Shawn Lord had been one of Andy's best friends, along with Marcus, before a falling out in December. Shawn had known Andy for about four years since playing with him at a talent show in school.

While neither had seen each other very often since their fight, Shawn was confident that the two would get back to normal, especially after the two apologized to each other and began to reconcile their conflict.

But Andy died soon after the two had begun to repair their friendship. “I just felt destroyed,” said Shawn, 15.

“He knows I'm sorry.”

Shawn said Andy was an enormous influence on him. Musically, Shawn said Andy helped him to progress as a guitarist, Shawn said.

Andy was very gifted at writing poetry, and he composed the lyrics for the band's music, Shawn said.

Andy's close friends and family are left with fond memories of the times they spent with him. Shawn said one of his best memories with Andy was a time the two of them spent together on the roof of a house discussing what the “beyond” after death.

Marcus, 15, said he recalls singing karaoke with Andy and going to the park to practice baseball.

Before Andy's death, Marcus visited him in the hospital to try to cheer him up with jokes and play music for Andy, who was unconscious at the time.

Marcus said he took some comfort in knowing that Andy's transplanted organs could save lives.

"It makes me feel a little bit better because he just became a hero for . . . other families," Marcus said.

Now if I'd only known him better than I actually did. Seems like he was a really cool person to be around.

Andy Bellomo (1993-2008)

2008-06-10T20:42:00.001-07:00

I'm really sad right now; trying to hold back tears as I type this.

I didn't know him as well as I should have, but I considered him a cool kid, though we disagreed on our favorite sports teams.

Andy died over the weekend after getting trapped in a house fire during a sleepover with two friends. They tried to save him, but there was just too much smoke and Andy couldn't see and after a while, collapsed in the hallway of the house. He was taken to the hospital, but it was too late.

He loved baseball. He was a pitcher for Goldwater High School (I graduated from there in 2004) and he dreamed of turning pro someday. If that didn't work out, his family said he also wanted to join the Marines.

Andy's tragic death did turn out a positive, however - his family donated his organs and now three lives have been saved.

Goodbye, but just for now. We'll see you in Heaven when it's our turn.

Does anyone else have a Playstation 3?

2008-06-09T12:43:00.002-07:00

Because I now have one, and am looking for people to add to my friends list.

My PSN name is pikachu99, because I'm a Pokemon fan and Pikachu is my favorite Pokemon.

So... any takers?

People kill me.

2008-05-28T23:17:00.003-07:00

What is up with me getting into stupid arguments with people on the internet? Specifically on Wrong Planet? This time, people more or less telling me I'm an idiot because I went to traditional school over being homeschooled.

Listen, I have a reason for my opinions. I have a reason for favoring traditional schools, no matter how bad things may get for some students. I had a few bad years myself due to unqualified teachers. But you know what? Most of my school years were excellent. I struggled in high school, but I graduated on time due to the help of two specific teachers pushing me at the right times. Most other students would've taken the help for granted. I didn't. Without them, I WOULD NOT BE WHERE I AM TODAY!

So yeah, I have some bias. We all do.

But please, don't tell me I'm stupid because I had great years in traditional school. I'm glad I wasn't homeschooled. I also will not homeschool my future kid(s) either.

You can have your point of view on the subject all you want. But I want no part of it.

Tell Me Why

2008-05-24T22:57:00.002-07:00

This is s new song by one of my favorite bands, P.O.D.

It's what most Americans have wanted to say for years, but can't for fear of being called unpatriotic.

A day without glory, a heart filled with fear
still repeating his story to make ourselves clear.
A voice is unheard when it shouts from the hills.
Your king in his castle never died on these fields.
There's blood on your hands,
a smile on your face.
A wicked intention when there's money to be made.
A room with no windows
and a heart that can't feel.
Shame with no convictions and a view to a kill.

Tell me why?
Why must we fight?
And why must we kill in the name of what we think is right?
No more! No war!
Cause how do you know?

The hate in your eyes,
the lies on your tongue.
A hand that kills the innocent
so quick to do wrong.
Your belly is full while we fight for what remains.
The rich getting richer
while the poor become slaves.
We kill our own brothers.
The truth is never told.
If victory is freedom, then the truth is untold.
Surrender your soul just like everyone else.
If love is my religion, don't speak for myself.

Tell me why?
Why must we fight?
And why must we kill in the name of what we think is right?
No more! No war!
Cause how do you know?

How do you know?

Tell me why?
Why must we fight?
And why must we kill in the name of what we think is right?
No more! No war!
Cause how do you know?

I'm living this life.
I'm given these lies.
And how can I die in the name
of what you think is right?
No more! Oh Lord!
How do we know?

Lost Innocence

2008-05-20T00:58:00.001-07:00

Damn, I can't quote a single line from this song, because that wouldn't do it justice. So instead, here's the whole darn thing:

I've been blessed and I've been cursed.
I've done my best and seen the worst.
I've been cruel and I've been kind.
I've followed rules and crossed the line.
Well I've been loved and I've been hated.
I've been trapped, then liberated.
I've been bad and I've been good.
My words misread, then understood, yeah.

Lost innocence, trying to get back to where I used to be.
Lost innocence, hoping that there's something waiting for me.
Lost innocence, have I even learned a single useful thing
or have I lost, in a sense?

I've been strong and I've been weak.
I've learned to turn the other cheek.
I've been shown and I've been blind.
I've said my peace, then changed my mind.
Well I've been lost and I've been found.
I've built things up, then burned them down.
I've been wrong and I've been right.
I've saved the day, then spent the night, yeah.

Lost innocence, trying to get back to where I used to be.
Lost innocence, hoping that there's something waiting for me.
Lost innocence, have I even learned a single useful thing
or have I lost, in a sense?

I've been drunk and I've been sober.
I've tied one on and pulled one over.
I've been rude, I've been polite.
Been right on time, then missed the flight.
I've been sick and I've been well
at Heaven's gate and on the road to Hell.
Well, I've been smooth and I've been rough.
I've wanted more, then had enough, yeah.

Lost innocence, trying to get back to where I used to be.
Lost innocence, hoping that there's something waiting for me.
Lost innocence, have I even learned a single useful thing
or have I lost, in a sense?

Have I lost innocence?

Now to get into what I wanted to post.

Eric Stuart, better known to anime fans as the English voice of Seto Kaiba on Yu-Gi-Oh and the original English voices of Brock and James on Pokemon, is also a musician/singer/songwriter (he just happens to sing the song I quoted).

I love his music so much I got two of his CDs for my birthday back in September, directly from him.

Anyway, Eric recently gave me his home address so I can send in my CD booklets for him to sign!

Evidentally his autograph is extremely rare, so it totally made my day when he told me he'd do it.

I needed some cheering up, and this was more than enough to do that!

I'll post pics after I get 'em back.

Eh Hee

2008-05-16T12:09:00.002-07:00

Be wary of those who believe in a neat little world, cuz it's fuckin' crazy

- Dave Matthews, Eh Hee.

Well, there's a member of Wrong Planet that DOES believe in a neat little world, and I DO think she's fuckin' crazy.

I won't mention a name, but she believes vaccines are poison and is refusing to vaccinate her future kids based on nothing but the bullshit hippie propaganda she's being fed.

I had a fucking meltdown after I replied to her latest rant. Ended up hurting my knee on accident because I was so enraged I didn't feel anything.

Wrong Planet, I feel, is not strict enough when it comes to these people. Except if your name is John Best, that is. When he trolled WP a few months ago, some of us begged the mods to NOT ban him, as we were having fun watching him make a fool of himself. But now, when someone deserves to be banned, the mods don't do a fucking thing.

Oh well.

Tripping Billies

2008-04-20T16:04:00.003-07:00

Starting with this post, I'm going to try to use a relevant song title for each post title.

I hate stereotypes. Stereotypes regarding my taste in music is the absolute worst.

Evidentally I'm gay because I'm a guy who listens to boy bands.
Evidentally I'm on the ganja because I like reggae and jam bands.
Evidentally I'm a redneck because I like country music and am from Kentucky.
Evidentally I'm a neo-Nazi because one of my favorite folk songs was once performed by Skrewdriver.
Evidentally I'm on LSD because I like psychedelic pop music.

Geez, people. Grow the f*** up.

Thanks for the responses

2008-04-20T02:06:00.002-07:00

As the post title says.

The responses I got were more or less what I expected. All opinions are valid to me regardless of agreement or disagreement, and I just wanted to conduct a small experiment.

On a side note, I got a comment from Anonymous (that I rejected from the queue) which was an anti-thimerosal rant and nothing more.

Sorry Anonymous, this isn't 4chan. I don't tolerate that stuff on this blog unless you have the decency to reveal yourself. The anonymous comments were only enabled to allow friends who don't have blogger accounts to comment.

A poll re: the puzzle ribbon logo

2008-04-19T17:44:00.003-07:00

Just a quick poll: For or against the puzzle ribbon?

Give reasons why, if possible. My personal stance is that I'm for it. It's the easiest way to spread positive awareness in my opinion and don't see any negatives about it. I've read that it's "only used by those promoting a cure for autism", which is the most incorrect statement I've ever come across regarding it.

Asperger's Speaks: It's Time to Rant

2008-04-16T10:11:00.003-07:00

The Autism Speaks message board has some unique characters.

Mostly parents, some autistics. A few of the parents there are extremely nice and willing to listen to what I have to say. Combine their comments with the ones I've gotten from this blog and the Neurointegrity board (link on side), I've gotten too many positive comments to count.

So really, I know I've done a good job at the end of each day.

But some don't agree with that. I've annoyed several people and I have no clue why. One person has even gone as far as labeling me a rep for Big Pharma. As if! I am truly one of the most open-minded and nicest people on the entire intarwebz. I don't purposely try to annoy people. That's just not my style.

I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. But I'm not the annoying ass**** some think I am.

Dear Jenny Mac:

2008-04-02T18:32:00.001-07:00

Do us a favor and hush.

You're a cluless skank and nothing more than that. You are NOT an expert and you definitely do NOT speak for all mothers.

So this is World Autism Day

2008-04-02T10:00:00.003-07:00

And so far, so good, though I sadly don't expect it to end this way. Media-wise, anyway.

CNN has aired a one-hour special highlighting stories of various autisic children and young adults. I liked it, except for the very end when CNN just HAD to link people to Autism Speaks AND the NAA. They're probably going to do this all day.

I would have no qualms if they linked people to the ASA, but since their head honcho ain't loaded like the Wrights, well... you get the idea.

Sadly, money talks. Especially when it comes to autism.

As for what I will be doing, more or less the same as every other day. Wear my autism lanyard, and my puzzle ribbon lapel pin. I'm probably the only Hub blogger with one of the latter, but then again, I don't see what's so bad about it. Even as an aspie.

Oh well. You do your thing, and I'll do mine.

I now resume my regular posting schedule...

2008-03-25T23:33:00.002-07:00

Thanks everyone.

Dad is back home and doing much better. Downside is that he'll have to take Warfarin for the rest of his life.

Other than that, things are back to normal.

Dad had a stroke.

2008-03-21T19:54:00.002-07:00

My dad is in the hospital as I type this, if you can't already tell. He's doing good right now, though things can change. Hopefully nothing else happens.

Posting here will be discontinued until further notice.

21 and still feeling like a young kid.

2008-03-02T14:52:00.002-07:00

And I couldn't be any happier.

A couple days ago, I added something new to my "loves" list: Pingu.

Now I'm left wondering why I never saw this show as a kid and why it took me all this time to discover how clever and funny it is. Makes me sad, in a way.

Reconnecting with family...

2008-02-14T00:40:00.003-07:00

So I guess Myspace is actually good for something.

Three people I haven't seen in a long time (one of them, not since I moved to AZ in 1995) have found me on Myspace.

Considering how sucky the search function is there, I don't really know how. But it's a pleasant surprise. I now realize how much I miss it back home. I'd gladly do anything to move back there.

There's so much I've missed. I have two young cousins who don't really know me all that well. I want to change that.

I miss my family so much.

Auto racing predictions

2008-02-10T13:13:00.000-07:00

I have been a racing fan, literally, my entire life.

Been watching NASCAR the entire time, but am now an open-wheel fan. I have near-encyclopedic knowledge of Formula 1 history.

Here are my predictions for 2008, for the two series:

Jimmie Johnson wins the Daytona 500.

Juan Pablo Montoya defends his win at Sears Point and also becomes the first foreign-born Cup champion.

Robert Kubica wins the Monaco Grand Prix.

Lewis Hamilton wins the Formula 1 driver's title, while McLaren wins the constructor's title.

Songs I have recorded recently (and where they can be heard)

2008-02-07T17:41:00.000-07:00

Here is list of songs I have done, for a couple projects in the works:

Proud Autistic
Green Day - "Time of Your Life"
Green Day - "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"
Keith Whitley - "When You Say Nothing at All"
Blindside - "Silence"
Tom Petty - "I Won't Back Down"

Acoustic Tribute to the Best Band Ever (and no, it's not The Beatles)
"October"
"Exit"
"Running to Stand Still"
"The First Time"

A few of these are on my music Myspace site, which there is a link for to the top right.

Feedback is always appreciated.

My thoughts regarding a "cure"

2008-02-05T18:33:00.000-07:00

Plain and simple, really.

I don't want or need one for myself. Unless they could develop a way to cure the comorbids without losing the positive aspects of autism, excellent. But they haven't, and they can't.

But I'm not anti-cure, despite what I think. If an autistic person would want to be cured when/if one is available, I have no objections. But it should only be up to the autist. Nobody else.

Coming soon: My life story, set to music.

2008-02-03T00:44:00.000-07:00

Yeah.

Right now, I'm writing lyrics to a song that has been 21 years in the making. My entire life, from when I was an infant, to now, will be written into lyrics.

This is a personal project to me, and I don't want to disappoint.

Updates to follow.

I FINALLY got my textbook for class

2008-02-01T21:03:00.000-07:00

Yeah.

Two whole weeks after class officially started.

But it's not my fault the books are so expensive. Even USED copies cost too much.

Well, at least I can now officially begin my life as an amateur web designer...

I may just get to volunteer after all!

2008-02-01T15:45:00.000-07:00

I was informed that the specialized training provided by Phoenix Children's Hospital that is "very costly" may not be such a big deal to worry about.

It more than likely wouldn't cost me anything, but it would cost them a lot. Because I read that these sessions would probably involve learning how to deal with the various special needs these kids have and learning what to do in case something were to go wrong.

Many of the patients there have not only psychological and mental disorders, but potentially life-threatening illnesses and diseases. In case something were to happen, I would need to know everything.

I think this is what they mean by "very costly".

I am serious about this and am more than willing to go through with it.

Why is it that...

2008-01-30T21:04:00.000-07:00

Every time I find a volunteer opportunity, it disappears from me before I can even apply?

Several months back, I intended to volunteer for Big Brothers Big Sisters. Sounds good, except the local branch here requires a valid driver's license. Seeing as how I can't legally obtain one due to my sensory issues, I'm out of luck there.

Fast-forward to now. I find an opportunity at Phoenix Children's Hospital. Transportation could be worked out. Volunteers are required to have specialized training, which they provide in-house. No problem for me, except their website says this training is "very costly". What does that mean, exactly? If it's money, than I'm screwed. Again.

And none of it is my fault.

Issues with the Autism Speaks message boards... again.

2008-01-30T01:49:00.000-07:00

I was told by some of the more open-minded regulars there that they appreciated my presence, as a spectrum adult. They could learn from my experiences while at the same time, I could learn from them, seeing as how I plan on adopting a spectrum kid in a few years.

That was from November until December. After my failed suicide attempt, they were concerned for me.

But then this month, the forum went completely to Hell. Now I'm told I'm ignorant and that my advice as a spectrum adult is no longer appreciated. Yet at the same time, there are at least four other spectrum adults there who AREN'T getting flamed for their advice. Their advice is exactly the same as mine, just worded more vaguely than what I say.

What the Hell gives? Why the Hell aren't they being flamed for their advice?

Nothing against the open-minded parents on the forums, or the adult autistics, if you're reading this. But I'm tired. I want to leave that board for good, but I just can't.

It's like Hotel California at that message board.

Me = singer

2008-01-29T07:35:00.000-07:00

While I'm hoping to become a professional web designer within a couple of years from now, I'm doing some singing and writing too. Right now, all I have done are cover songs (using some very crappy karaoke tracks for most of them), but if anyone wants to hear some of my work, I have added my music Myspace to my links section. Some of these will also be on my Youtube profile, also available in the the links.

Currently working on two albums. One is an album promoting awareness of autism, covering both the positive and negative sides.

The other is a tribute to U2, with each song on it played in an acoustic setting on my new Gibson.

After that, who knows? Perhaps I will get an original song up there someday. But with college going on, added to my ongoing musical projects, that will have to wait.

Various things to reflect upon

2008-01-28T14:34:00.000-07:00

From December to now, a lot of things have happened in my life.

12/30: I attempted (and almost succeeded) suicide. Don't know how or even why I'm still alive. I've been given too many chances as it is.

Early Jan.: I became a registered organ donor in the state of Arizona. If something were to happen to me (whether self-inflicted or by accident), I would want to help others even in death. Should one (or more) of my organs not be usable, they will be donated to medical research.

Mid-Jan. to now: I have started to become more open about myself to my Dad. He has never seen my meltdowns or my self-injury in person, so I felt it was time to end the silence.

He also now knows about my plans for the future. When college is finished somewhere down the line, and I have some money to my name, I plan to adopt a special needs child. Probably will be a boy, and one who has an ASD. Of course, it would be hard starting out (single, can't drive, and I would need a place to stay for the first few months), but I know I can do it. My Dad knows it too. He supports my decision 100 percent.

I love my Dad. I don't say that to him often enough.

Rain

2008-01-27T11:58:00.000-07:00

It's raining here as I type this.

I hate rain. It's cold and wet and my sensory issues, which normally don't involve touch, kick in. I realize rain is needed in some places, but I hate it still.

I want to go outside right now.

But I can't.

Welcome, Autism Hub members and readers

2008-01-26T17:19:00.000-07:00

Thanks for accepting me.

I feel honored to be finally accepted in a group. Virtually or otherwise.

I hope I can do you all good.

There is a musician I feel I need to share with people.

2008-01-26T01:18:00.000-07:00

His name is Mike Doughty.

He used the pseudonym M. Doughty as a member of "deep slacker jazz" (term coined by Doughty himself) band Soul Coughing. But he has been went solo in 2000, and went on to form Mike Doughty's Band in 2004.

He has released two albums and two EP's, with a new album, entitled Golden Delicious, due in mid-February.

You can sample three of his older songs here, until his site gets redesigned.

He's kinda like Bob Dylan, in that he is an excellent writer, but my goodness, he can't sing to save his life. Despite this (or even in spite of this), I still like his stuff.

Majority of his songs are sad, and he's bipolar, so he balances out his concerts with hilarious banter. Several recordings of his shows can be found on http://www.archive.org, under the Live Music Archive.

Oh, and a word of warning to anyone downloading the live material: Most of his songs are clean (one use of the 'f-word' in the song "Tremendous Brunettes"), but his language otherwise, isn't clean. So if you are offended by such language, don't listen. Please.

Clinical evaluation may be happening soon

2008-01-25T13:24:00.000-07:00

Dad's emailing the psychologist, to see if I can qualify as a patient.

She is technically a pediatric neuropsychologist, but her bio says she also works with young adults, and she is the only ASD specialist in the Phoenix area that doesn't require a referral.

So we'll see.

Get the AS diagnosis and see what's triggering my depression.

In the mail...

2008-01-24T15:50:00.000-07:00

Today, the things I got from AutismLink arrived.

I now own an Autism Awareness lanyard (to hold my keys) and a puzzle ribbon lapel pin.

Several adults on the spectrum (as well as some parents of kids) don't like the puzzle logo, and they have valid reasons for their viewpoints.

But I'm not one of them. To me, it is the easiest way of raising awareness in public. Since I appear normal to most people, they don't know about my autism. Hopefully, me wearing these items will change this.

Autism and self-injury

2008-01-23T18:06:00.000-07:00

Harold Doherty from Facing Autism in New Brunswick posted this entry several days ago, regarding his son's self-injuries.

Mr. Doherty,

I do agree with you that there is no joy in self-injurious behavior. I do it myself. I don't bite, though. I scratch my wrists and punch myself in the forehead. I would like it to stop. But I have no control over when meltdowns occur, and it just happens.

But on the other hand, I still find joy in autism. Perhaps another time, I will explain my reasoning more.

If there were cures for depression, anxiety, stress, meltdowns and self-harm, I would take them in an instant. But these aren't autism, they are comorbid conditions. I don't need cured of my autism. I like who I am, regardless of my own issues.

It is possible to find joy in autism without finding joy in the comorbids.

I dread the year of 2012.

2008-01-22T00:37:00.000-07:00

This is when it has been said that Compact Fluorescent Lights will be made mandatory in the United States.

I don't like this one bit.

1. They're useful if you want extreme sensory overload, and that's really all. They're too bright.

2. They emit dangerous levels of mercury vapor, more than what you would get from Thimerosal, amalgam fillings and fish combined.

3. If you accidentally break one, you are required to call HazMat and evacuate your home until they arrive and give an "All clear".

4. They don't last nearly as long as advertised.

Damn this government.

Of all the things I hate in this world,

2008-01-21T13:48:00.000-07:00

One of the things I hate most is being taken out of context.

One certain member of the Autism Speaks forum thinks I have "zero credibility" because I never received an official autism diagnosis.

Look. Just because I am undiagnosed officially, does not make me not credible. I am not a liar. I never misrepresent myself. Ever. There are many autistic adults who NEVER get diagnosed.

All this because of a topic about stimming. He expects the poster to blindly follow his advice (going GFCF), while I say that the poster can do this, but to see a pediatrician first. GFCF is not only very restrictive, but it is quite expensive and the foods available (other than rice) literally taste like sh!t. GFCF should never be done without consulting a doctor and getting GI tests done. This is ALL I said, and this person decides to repeatedly go ad hominem on me.

That was the final straw. I have to log in to read PM's I've been sent, but otherwise, I am finished.

I may make one final post when my diagnosis becomes official (and it WILL, you can count on it), though I also may not.

Life ain't always beautiful.

2008-01-20T19:45:00.000-07:00

Gary Allan sang this song about his deceased wife, but I find I can relate to much of it.

Life ain't always beautiful.
Sometimes it's just plain hard.
Life can knock you down.
It can break your heart.

Life ain't always beautiful.
You think you're on your way.
And it's just a dead end road
at the end of the day.

But the struggles make you stronger,
and the changes make you wise.
And happiness has it's own way
of taking it's own sweet time.

No, life ain't always beautiful.
Tears will fall sometimes.
Life ain't always beautiful,
but it's a beautiful ride.

Life ain't always beautiful.
Some days I miss your smile.
I get tired of walking
all these lonely miles.

And wish for just one minute,
that I could see your pretty face.
Guess I can dream,
but life don't work that way.

But the struggles make me stronger,
and the changes make me wise.
And happiness has it's own way
of taking it's sweet time.

No, life ain't always beautiful.
But I know I'll be fine.
Life ain't always beautiful,
but it's a beautiful ride.

What a beautiful ride.

I'm applying for Medicaid.

2008-01-20T00:14:00.000-07:00

Since I don't work and my dad pays for everything when he can barely pay for himself, I'm applying for ACCHS, which is Arizona's Medicaid service. Hopefully I get approved, as I need more dental work done (two more molars need out as soon as possible) and hopefully I can get fillings put in as well.

Second thing I will do if approved?

Get a flu shot. I hate needles a lot, but I hate the flu even more. I should also check and see when my last tetanus shot was. Last vax I got was the third in the Hep. B series, so I could stay in high school or be expelled (somehow I never got the third one when I was younger).

Things I wish I could've told my parents sooner.

2008-01-18T00:00:00.000-07:00

I think I have been blessed to have such wonderful and understanding parents.

I know they're blessed to have me in their lives.

However, there are some things they don't know about me. I need to come clean.

1. I have extreme sensory issues, which if left untreated, will prohibit me from driving. Ever. Even if I wanted to, Arizona state law forbids this. It's a mere safety issue, which is understandable. I need sunglasses wherever there is a fluorescent light (and I'm surrounded by them). The same applies to sunlight, strobe lights and really, just about any light source. I need earplugs when I'm walking to Arco or to Target. It's THAT bad.

Whenever I return home from somewhere, I have frequent meltdowns due to sensory overload. Thankfully I'm alone when they occur, as they get rather ugly at times. Do you really think I should be driving? I don't.

2. I'm a lover of things cute and cuddly. Especially stuffed animals and other plush dolls. Matter of fact, during my most recent trip to Target, I bought myself a new teddy bear. If this somehow makes me "girly" or whatever, please tell me. I could honestly care less about how people perceive me. I want to be me and nobody should make me into something I'm not.

3. High-functioning autism/Asperger's syndrome is NOT a bad thing. The reason technology and science have progressed this much is because many of the world's greatest minds were autistic. Newton, Galileo, Einstein, Bill Gates. Just to name a few. Some autistics have even made great progress in music. There is autistic savant Matt Savage, as well as Gary Numan and Craig Nicholls (of The Vines). Heck, John Lennon is speculated to have had AS. Judging by his profoud way with written language, plus his mannerisms during interviews, I tend to agree with this.

So really, just because I might have AS, and am not currently holding a paying job, doesn't mean I'll end up a nobody. I'll work when I'm ready to. Right now, I'm not ready. There's a chance I may never be ready. So please, don't try to rush me.

There was a #4, but I can't remember it right now. Perhaps I will at a later date.

Want an autism support forum, but can't deal with the political B.S.?

2008-01-17T13:24:00.000-07:00

Well, there's good news.

Thomas McKean now has a place where you can get this.

Neurointegrity. All the support, none of the crap.

There are ND subscribers there, and there are those who don't affiliate themselves with ND.

There are biomed parents, and there are those who chose the traditional methods.

Best of all, autistics are allowed to be autistic and happy without people shoving political crap in their faces.

Come, join. We need more members!

Question: Who would you rather be like, Babe Ruth, or Michael Jackson?

2008-01-15T17:52:00.001-07:00

Anyone is open to answer this. Autistic, or not.

My answer: Michael Jackson, without question.

Michael is an adult kid, that has been falsely accused of child molestation twice. He loves animals and helping those in need. Especially underprivileged kids.

Babe Ruth was one of the greatest baseball players of all time. But he was also a jerk, a drunk and a womanizer.

I would rather be an adult kid than a drunk womanizer.

But that's just me.

College semester is starting.

2008-01-14T15:37:00.000-07:00

This semester I am getting into web design. I know some html already, and I hope this will help me to learn even more.

Better yet, I am doing it online. Even better than that, the class format is "go at your own pace", which is better for someone like me, as I need to take my time to do certain things.

One of these days, you all will be asking ME to design your websites :)

A couple things...

2008-01-13T16:25:00.000-07:00

First:

I've been getting a lot of anon comments lately. I'm ok with that. But please, let me know who you are. Makes things so much easier for me.

Second:

I am now a registered organ donor in the state of Arizona. This is something I feel very strongly about, and it makes me happier knowing that when I go, someone's life could be saved.

If that fails and none of my organs can be used for whatever, I have also given permission for the state to give my parts to a medical research facility.

I'm leaving the Autism Speaks forum.

2008-01-09T12:23:00.000-07:00

I can't take the damn bickering any longer.

I'm not blaming a sole person or side. Both sides are to blame.

As Ed Kowalczyk once said in a song, "Calm the fuck down".

Until that happens, you won't see me there any longer except by private message.

Goodbye.

I can has accusation?

2008-01-08T00:33:00.000-07:00

Let me quote a post on WrongPlanet:

I think Beau99 works for the government or the prescription drug companies....it seems to be a recurring theme with him.

Ha! As if!

I actually consider this an honor, though. I now officially join the ranks of Autism Diva and Amanda Baggs as having been accused of being a Big Pharma representative. Since both of them are good people, I can't help but feel a rise in my ego :)

We humans don't give our cats enough credit

2008-01-02T20:36:00.000-07:00

Seriously.

On December 30, while I lay in bed, actually close to death, my cat could tell something was wrong with me.

These cats are smarter than we think. I think that many of them, may actually be aspies in disguise. I really mean it.

Every cat I've known has had at least three aspie traits. From sensory issues, all the way to wanting to be alone most of the day. I'm sure I've seen one or two actually stimming.

There's a book, entitled All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome, which only helps my theory. The book is aimed at kids, though I think it's complete fact.

This blog post opened my eyes.

2008-01-02T11:43:00.001-07:00

Normally I don't link to other people's entries, but now is an exception.

This is aimed at autistics/aspies who don't think they're disabled. Read it. Multiple times, if you need to. There are others who don't fit in this category, who may be educated by it.

Welcome to the Disability Community.

It's 2008.

2008-01-01T04:20:00.000-07:00

Well, this is the first entry for the new year.

I can't really think of any goals for the year, except for one.

That is getting this depression under control. As I was poisoned by Paxil I'd rather not go the medication route again. I am going to see a psychologist soon, hopefully. The sooner, the better.

For those who don't know me from other places, I attempted suicide on December 30. I intentionally overdosed on vicodin. I took 6 pills at once. With my low body weight, 1 or 2 more probably would have killed me. I almost stopped breathing twice. So I am very lucky to be typing this.

So the sooner we work something out, the better off I will be in the long term.

I have said it before, but I will say it again.

I am autistic and proud. But I really f%^&ing hate depression and everything that comes with it.

New blog name

2007-12-29T14:15:00.001-07:00

Recent visitors may have noticed that this blog has a new name and a new heading.

I have come to realize "Proud Autistic" may not have been the best choice for a name. I am indeed happy with who I am... most of the time. What readers here don't know is that I do get depressed, stressed, anxious about things, you name it. I have been in a state of depression since November. Thought about suicide early on, but reconsidered. Now I don't know what to do, or how to do it.

I have been reading Harold Doherty's blog Facing Autism in New Brunswick lately. Some things I agree with him on. Others I don't. The things we disagree on, I hope to post about later. Maybe have him answer some things for me. Hopefully to come to an understanding of each other.

I hope everyone had a good Christmas and has a good New Year's Day.

Yes, even you, Mr. Best.

Good day.

Why do people do this???

2007-12-28T23:23:00.000-07:00

I know I said I would return in January, however, this is important.

Six people, three generations of a single family, were murdered in cold blood on Christmas day. Two of them young kids, ages 3 and 6.

There is no motive.

The suspects were planning to get married soon. One of them is related to the victims.

What's more is that the one who killed the kids apologized before doing it. That makes the whole situation even worse and makes me sadder.

But the victims are now in a better place, away from this Hell hole we call Earth.

I've mentioned before that I do karaoke. I recorded one a few days ago for my upcoming autism CD, but this version is in tribute to the victims.

To listen, just click the play button. It sounds very rough, but I'm no pro.

Happy holidays, everyone

2007-12-24T04:32:00.000-07:00

I'm taking the rest of the year off so I can enjoy myself. Or at least try to.

See you all in 2008!

Dear Deirdre Imus:

2007-12-22T14:19:00.000-07:00

The idiot wife of the senile Don Imus wrote a column on Huffington Post, showing how common idiocy runs in the Imus family:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deirdre-imus/missing-the-mercury-threa_b_77927.html

While some of her points are well made, the fact of the matter is that vaccines save lives. Period. I was vaccinated with everything except with the varicella vax. The MMR (which has never contained thimerosal at any time) saved my own life. The levels of thimerosal that was injected into me were therapteutic. I had no reactions to it. My non-autistic brother was also vaccinated. If mercury causes autism like these idiots believe it does, then why is he NOT affected? Also, please try to explain how the autism rates have skyrocketed in the USA and The Netherlands, despite banning thimerosal in required vaccinations. The ONLY explanation for this fake "epidemic" is increased awareness. Nothing more. In reality, there aren't more autistics being born, they simply have it in their genes.

If autism was invented in 1931 like the Mercury Militia thinks it was...

2007-12-21T04:48:00.000-07:00

Then please explain why many of the world's greatest minds were autistic.

The term 'autism' wasn't popularized until Hans Asperger called his original patients "autistic psychopaths" in the mid 1930's, however autism has existed since at least the mid 1500's.

Sir Isaac Newton was one of the first people to show autistic traits.

Also on the spectrum were Thomas Jefferson, Alexander Graham Bell, Thomas Edison, his rival and former partner Nikola Tesla, and the world's first real genius, Albert Einstein.

Mercury poisoning is a serious health issue that should be properly tested for and treated. However, mercury poisoning doesn't even remotely resemble autism. Mercury poisoning is potentially fatal. Autism is not. Therefore, chelation is good for true mercury poisoning. Even then, you cannot reverse the damage already done. Chelation for autism is quackery at its finest.

NYU has pulled that dreadful ad campaign!

2007-12-19T15:08:00.000-07:00

http://www.aboutourkids.org/about_us/public_awareness

Looks like the complaints got to them. They admitted their own stupidity.

They hope to bring attention in less controversial means from now on, and even hope to have public involvement sometime next year.

John Best, Jr. - Pathetic Scum

2007-12-17T09:58:00.000-07:00

If you honestly believe the current NYU ad campaign is an accurate portrayal of autism, then you are a sick and pathetic excuse for a human being.

How on God's green Earth could anyone in their right mind agree with that bullshit advertisement? I wasn't kidnapped by anything or anyone.

Autism can be challenging, but anyone who thinks it's a fucking death sentence like you do, Best, belongs in an institution. People like you are a danger to society.

Our Names Are Autism Too.

2007-12-16T01:01:00.000-07:00

http://www.isn.net/~jypsy/AuSpin/ournames.htm

Take a look at this. If you agree with it, send them an email to add your name. Do it for not only me, but yourselves and if you're a parent of a child on the spetrum, do it for them too.

In defense of the neurotypicals, part 2

2007-12-15T19:54:00.000-07:00

Evidentally, some people aren't getting why I'm defending the Autism Speaks forum members.

It's simple, really.

They're willing to learn from me, and I'm willing to learn from them. Why is this a problem?

I might as well say it right now. Just because say I don't want a cure for my own autism, has never meant I was never open to one. If anyone on the spectrum wants a cure, by all means, go ahead and fund research for one.

This is how I've always felt. I'm not anti-cure. I'm not anti-biomed, either. I'm just anti-misinformation.

I also have a tip that could provide usefulness:

If you suspect your child has been poisoned by mercury, see a toxicologist and go from there. That way, if chelation is actually needed (you know, for actual mercury poisoning, not autism) then insurance would cover it. Going through DAN doesn't allow for this.

In defense of the neurotypicals...

2007-12-12T10:26:00.000-07:00

Oh boy, I don't know where to start.

I arrived at the Autism Speaks forums sometime in mid-November, after reading a thread on wrongplanet.net, saying that the members there were ignorant of those with Asperger syndrome and high-functioning Kanner's autism (I personally fit into the latter group). I signed up with the intent to question those "ignorant NT's", as it was put.

However, after getting to interact with the NT members, I saw none of this. There are a few who are anti-vaccine, even though Thimerasol hasn't been in most of them since the beginning of the millenium. There are some who approve of dangerous chelation therapy. However, they are the minority of the forum members. Even then, I am respectful in my disagreements with them.

Turns out, many of the neurotypicals are not ignorant. In fact, they are rather nice and helpful.

To the members of Wrong Planet who sign up to the AS forums just to cause trouble, you make us look like those Aspies For Freedom extremists.
I only have two words for you.

To everyone else, thank you.

It seems I'm severely misunderstood.

2007-12-10T14:25:00.000-07:00

Especially when I say "I don't want a cure for autism".

There are actually things about me that I would love to change in a heartbeat.

If there were a cure for shyness, I'd gladly accept it. Everything I've tried has been a complete failure.

I have a problem with honesty. Many people think of honesty as a good thing. Most of the time, it is. However, my honesty has caused more trouble for me than I would like to admit.

On the other hand...

My intelligence level is above average, and has been since I was first tested at age 5.

I have a deep appreciation for music, and have even been told that I have a great singing voice.

I also win at trivia, especially if it involves music, sports or the Revolutionary War.

Knowing the positive aspects of autism that I have just mentioned, why on God's green Earth would I want to give it up?

I'd love to know what it's like to have friends, but at the same time, I'd rather keep my intelligence and musical abilities. Autism gave me all of these things, and I'm glad for that.

Why is this such a problem? My parents know that there's a very good reason I am what I am. I was made this way.

I respect opposing viewpoints as much as I disagree with them. I just wish they would respect mine.

Making dietary changes.

2007-12-07T16:58:00.000-07:00

First off, I'll start by saying that the dental surgery went well, with absolutely no complications. Thank God!

Now to get to the subject of this post.

I'm making changes in my eating habits, and for the better. Instead of shark (dangerously high in methylmercury content), I'll eat rainbow trout.

Dairy is now out completely. Not because of an allergy to casein, but instead due to lactose intolerance, which has developed over the years and has gotten progressively worse.

Brown rice (and others, such as Jasmine rice, Basmati rice and wild rice) will be consumed as much as possible. I love rice!

No more wheat noodles. And unless that means I can find a noodle that can be used in spaghetti (most "egg" noodles contain semolina, which contains wheat gluten), then no more of it either :(

This will be quite tough I think, but I can do it.

Expect no updates until next week.

2007-11-28T08:53:00.000-07:00

tomorrow i have a dental appointment to remove three molars which are in terrible condition.

Well.

2007-11-27T12:47:00.000-07:00

I'm sorely lacking in vitamin D and calcium.

Went to get both today, came back with just vitamin D as I was short on cash. If I feel like walking again, I'll go back tomorrow for calcium.

Thanks everyone

2007-11-26T20:22:00.001-07:00

To those who have offered me support this past week, thanks.

My stress and anxiety are through the roof. I have a dental extraction scheduled this week.

I also might have carpal tunnel syndrome.

Off-topic: Fantasy football

2007-11-25T06:25:00.000-07:00

Once in a while, I will make an off-topic post or two, just to keep this thing balanced.

I LOVE SPORTS. Because one of my obsessions is sport statistics, fantasy sports are also love. Going into this weekend, I am 8-3 in fantasy football and tied for first place in my league. Even as a stat/fact guy, I have NEVER done this well in fantasy sports, so I am very happy with myself right now.

And just for the record, the league I am in is a private league for members of Toon Zone, a set of forums for cartoon lovers. Not surprisingly, a number of members there are also on the autism spectrum. Most of them are Asperger's, though.

Public apology

2007-11-23T23:30:00.001-07:00

I retract what I previously said about the Autism Speaks message board.

I was in the middle of a bad meltdown and I lost it. I realize I'm trying to promote the positive aspects of autism, but these things can happen and I don't expect anyone to be perfect.

New feature: Song of the day (or week).

2007-11-23T15:28:00.000-07:00

I've decided to post either a link to a Youtube video or the lyrics to a song I like that relates to me.

Today's song is "Count on Me", performed by Canadian band Default.

The REAL reason we're told to wash our hair twice a week

2007-11-22T20:25:00.000-07:00

It's not to keep it clean, believe it or not.

The real reason is because shampoo contains EDTA, which if you didn't know, is used in some forms of chelation therapy. Yep. It's another product of the paranoia-induced mercury theory.

If only autism were caused by mercury, lead or arsenic intoxication. But it's not (and has been proven time and again).

Once again, I'm in no way denying these metals are bad news, but the amount of mercury put in thimerosol isn't enough to poison you and neither is the amount of mercury added to dental amalgam fillings.

STOP THE HYSTERIA.

For the record:

2007-11-21T22:59:00.000-07:00

I do not "have autism".

I am autistic.

I do not have an illness of any kind (though diabetes may come soon, but that's another story), so please do not say that I have autism.

The positives of being an autie

2007-11-21T16:09:00.000-07:00

Intelligence.
Kind-hearted.
Dedication.
Nice.
Faithful.
Patient.
Friendly.

but perhaps most of all,

Me. Myself. I.

Autism and amalgam fillings

2007-11-21T11:34:00.000-07:00

Oh yes, another post in an autism blog regarding the "mercury causing autism" mass-hysteria that's been going about for decades.

To put it very simple, amalgam is safe. In most cases, they are recommended over extraction surgery due not only cost, but ease over what would have otherwise been an unpleasant experience.

Evidentally some states are trying to ban amalgam (among other paranoid recommendations), though I fail to see why. Mercury is very toxic in its raw form, I won't deny that. However combined with silver, it is neutralized to a point where it is considered safe. Clinical studies have proven this many times. I won't deny that something out of the ordinary can occur, but amalgam still remains the cheapest, easiest and most importantly, safest option there is in regards to dental procedures.

To anyone who might be reading this:

2007-11-20T20:01:00.000-07:00

Anyone know where I can possibly get a puzzle ribbon lapel pin?

I've seen a few websites, but I don't have a credit card so I can't order one online.

Recording an album

2007-11-19T20:44:00.000-07:00

It will be an album to hopefully help raise awareness of autism from the perspective of a proud autie.

It will combine covers of existing songs as well as original spoken-word poetry.

More details to come.

Before I start, a couple of clarifications

2007-11-19T03:13:00.000-07:00

1. I do not personally approve of Autism Speaks or their methods, but there are some nice people on the forums.

2. About the puzzle ribbon logo. Most anti-cure activists don't like it. However, I do like it. I have my own reasons for doing so. If you disagree with my stances, fine. Just don't complain.

Test post

2007-11-19T02:12:00.001-07:00

Consider this a test to see if this is working.