Tuesday, January 1, 2008

It's 2008.

Well, this is the first entry for the new year.

I can't really think of any goals for the year, except for one.

That is getting this depression under control. As I was poisoned by Paxil I'd rather not go the medication route again. I am going to see a psychologist soon, hopefully. The sooner, the better.

For those who don't know me from other places, I attempted suicide on December 30. I intentionally overdosed on vicodin. I took 6 pills at once. With my low body weight, 1 or 2 more probably would have killed me. I almost stopped breathing twice. So I am very lucky to be typing this.

So the sooner we work something out, the better off I will be in the long term.

I have said it before, but I will say it again.

I am autistic and proud. But I really f%^&ing hate depression and everything that comes with it.


Casdok said...

So pleased it didnt work, and yes you are lucky!! I do hope things get better for you.
And its great to hear you are proud to be autistic!! :)

Eva said...

Hello Beau! (Interesting: Beau mean hanson or beauty in french)I was serching something in the red i saw your blog. Even if i have no idea who are you (well, after read your blog a bit, im glad that you are alive. My desire this year is that you be able to get out of depression for ever. God will help you with that in the way that you let Him help you. You are a great guy, i like the way on how you write,beside a good voice like Mercyme. I think is very brave talk about your suicide try and be proud of your autism. Thats make you more special and more autentic. May God bless your life and give the peace and stregh that you need. And like you name, you are preety hanson.
My name is Eva, im from Dominican Republic. If you like to write me, here is my email: kzj16@hotmail.com or to my blog www.lavieestjolie.blogspot.com.
Have a great day!!!

Anonymous said...

beau, this is going to sound harsh, but the truth can sometimes hurt.
You say you don't have any goals for this next year, except for getting past the depression issue.
Life isn't going to come through your computer to you, you must go out and find it.

I suffered from depression, as a result of migrain headaches. My life became meaningless, as each day was just another day in pain.
I got to the point where I just wanted it to end, life held nothing for me.
The amswer to my headaches was amazingly simple. I had a magnesium defenciency. I corrected that, yet, I was still depressed.
Because over 10 years of pain I had shut out all my friends & closed myself off to the world.
I'd forgotten that I could contribute to humanity. So, I found a place where I could make a difference, and in turn, discovered that my life had true worth.
This led me to happiness & the depression I'd suffered with abated.
beau, find a place where you can give to others (animals are my soft spot).

Make giving your goal, everyone can do something, find it, beau, this world needs you more than you know.

Ettina said...

Depression is by definition unpleasant.
Anyone who says autistics who don't want a cure must have easy lives really have no clue. It's just that we don't think our being autistic is the problem.