Thursday, December 4, 2008

Bad things always happen to the good guys...

Well, it seems that way anyway.

Quick summary:

Rodney Rogers, a great basketball player AND a great person off-court, fell off his ATV and is now paralyzed from the shoulders down. He played for the Phoenix Suns from 1999-2002 and was a fan favorite. I never met him, but I've heard nothing but positive things about him.

You can send him well-wishes right here. He and his family will read every single letter.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I'm in love.

This is a long distance relationship, but still... I'm in love with another guy, and he loves me as well.

First met him on a message board related to an interest of mine. It started off as an ordinary friendship, but now we are committed to one another. Just recently I was wondering if anything like this would ever happen to me. But it is happening, and now I feel like a changed man. I've never been happier.

He's going to make me a Christmas gift that he says I'll love (I wonder what it could be) and he's saving up money to visit me sometime next year. Of course, I'd like to do that the other way around (he's in British Columbia near Vancouver), but with our economy how it is, I'll have to settle for him coming here.

I love him a whole lot and I can't wait for the future.

Monday, October 6, 2008

I had a bipolar week.

I was going to end this blog, but screw it for now.

The beginning of last week sucked.

I was given a chance at a relationship by someone on a message board I go to and then rejected two days later, then I find out he found someone else on said message board. That left me rather pissed and depressed.

But now I have a crush on someone from the same place but he doesn't know yet. I'm going to talk to him a bit more and go from there, as I don't feel the time's right at this moment. On the downside, he's a long way away from me (Belgium, to be exact)... so even if he says yes, IM conversations will have to do for a while.

It's hard knowing that the person you love not only doesn't know, but is also so far away from you.

Wish me luck, because I don't take rejection well, after that recent experience.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


I know last post I said this blog was being put on hold. It is, but I have a very urgent message.

A rising singer-songwriter named Kelly Buchanan was severely injured in March while playing street hockey, and since then been hardly functional. Even worse, she is uninsured and her family can no longer afford to pay for her healthcare.

On September 10, New York's Knitting Factory held a benefit concert featuring a slew of great artists, and I'm sure the night went great, despite the overall mood.

However, you CAN still donate to her family. Just go here and click the "donate" button. It only takes a minute or so to do, and every little bit will help.


Monday, September 15, 2008

On hold until further notice

You may have noticed I hadn't posted a new entry since 8/15.

To keep things short and simple, I've been concentrating on other things.

My private, friends-only blog had been neglected ever since I started doing this one.

Also, I've trying to write songs for some of my music projects and haven't been able to advance that very far. That is more important to me right now.

In addition, when I return blogging here, it will have a brand-new title and web address. That won't be for a while now, probably December-January at the earliest.

It will have a lot of posts regarding my foray into music, like progress updates, demos and lyrics, among other things.

Thanks for understanding. I just can't concentrate on doing many things at once.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

DMB's LeRoi Moore is now in Heaven.


In late June, Roi was involved in an ATV accident during a break in DMB's summer tour. He had been recovering nicely until July, when he was readmitted to the hospital due to complications. Later, he was sent back home after everything got better.

He was due to begin physical rehab in Los Angeles when he died.

DMB will finish the tour, but nobody is certain what will happen to the new album. If I recall correctly, it wasn't finished yet. They were supposed to go back into the studio after the tour to finish recording.

Now I feel really bad, knowing I won't be able to attend their concert here on Saturday.

Even sadder: His 47th birthday would have been September 7th, just three days after my 22nd.

I am now playing all DMB music all day, and am going to do some of my DMB favorites in karaoke, in his honor.

I just can't believe it. A death has never hit me so hard... and I never even met the man.

Friday, August 15, 2008

What's the big deal??

Everyone is making much ado about nothing over the movie Tropic Thunder and the use of the word 'retard'.


It wasn't the first to use it and won't be the last, so why the complaints? You haven't even SEEN the movie.

Where were the Down's advocates when Devo named one of their songs "Mongoloid"? Nowhere, because the Down's advocates reclaimed the word.

I realize my opinion won't be popular with my fellow Hub bloggers. So be it.

It's my opinion. Please let me have it.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

WWE + Jenny McCarthy = Nobody watching

Last night's edition of Saturday Night's Main Event based around actress Jenny McCarthy raising awareness for Autism didn't do too well in the ratings to say the least.

For starters, the show finished in last place in its time slot, getting beat out by America's Most Wanted on Fox, Wipeout on ABC, and a show by the name of Flashpoint on CBS at the same time slot. Well technically, Saturday's Night Main Event didn't finish in last place out of all the networks as the show likely beat out the offerings from The CW and MyNetworkTV, so perhaps WWE can take solace in that. Then again, those stations never offer original programming on Saturday nights, so maybe they're ratings on Saturdays don't count.

Saturday Night's Main Event drew slightly more than half the total viewership of America's Most Wanted on Fox during the same timeslot. We don't have the exact rating, but the show drew 2.38 million viewers according to this article from Believe it or not, the show got beat out by a recent edition of Elite XC on CBS. More than likely, the rating will come in at a 1.4 or 1.5 rating, by far the worst rating in the storied history of Saturday Night's Main Event. And they were in better time slot this time around too, not at midnight.


Wednesday, July 23, 2008

WWE teams up with Generation Rescue

And being someone who's followed pro wrestling since around late 1996, through the Monday Night Wars and to the industry's current state, I'm understandably ticked.

Vincent K. McMahon has done some terrible things during his tenure as WWE CEO (his dad is rolling in his grave as I type), but this latest scheme is disgusting.

According to what I've read, Jenny McCarthy will be there "to raise awarneness for her (sic) charity (sic), Generation Rescue".

Waitaminute! Since when is GR a charity, and since when is Jenny the founder?

Jenny McCarthy is a lot like Las Vegas. Appealing on the outside (to some), but is, in reality, a skank who has done nothing except decieve people.

Now with the WWE on her side, I fear GR will become more than a fringe group in the near future. Especially with them calling GR "her" group. The press love her. She's a fast talker, which has caused the press to be brainwashed by her.


As far as I'm concerned, Vincent K. McMahon can take the little support I did have for the WWE and stick it.

I hope that this will end up being just a case of Wrestlecrap. But I have my doubts.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Get Well Soon!

I was going to make a different post related to myself, until I saw this news.

Dave Matthews Band saxophonist/woodwind player LeRoi Moore was injured in an ATV accident near his home while having a day off from touring. It is unknown how long he will remain out of commission. It is obviously a serious injury, though the band is not cancelling any tour dates. Jeff Coffin, who plays for Béla Fleck, is taking his place in his absence.

You can send Mr. Moore an e-card here:

Please do it, even if you don't like DMB.

As for my originally scheduled post, it will come later.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Everyday People

Dave Matthews Band has been covering Sly and the Family Stone's song "Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin)" on their current tour, and it's awesome.

I was only familiar with "Everyday People" and "If You Want Me to Stay" as far as Sly songs go, however DMB has opened me up to others (including the aformentioned "Thank You", among others).

Now I'm left wondering why I had never heard their songs before. They deserve more recognition.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

You ain't never had my cornbread

Dave Matthews has another potential hit song.

But I must warn, the lyrics are a bit... not clean. They also change slightly each time the song is played. This version is taken from DMB's performance in Camden, NJ on May 31st of this year.

Dancing with the devil 'round the fire
mess your mama's bed for a little more magic
make you wanna run around naked
'cause you know it looks good on you
you ain't ever had my cornbread
little bit of heaven and a little bit of
cut it down the middle, open wide, and jump right in

Seen you there behind this miller's shed
got your boy and giving him head
naughty little girl but you know instead
joy is steeped with sin
cover yourself with guilt and shame
well what that good ain't no one to blame
enjoy yourself while you're in the game
the joy is steeped with sin

It soars inside my soul because of you
all this innocence that you inspire
you know you are as heaven intended you
come on show it off, your lovely flower

Dancing with the devil 'round a fire
mess your mama's bed for a little more magic
make you wanna run around naked
'cause you know it looks good on you
you ain't ever had my cornbread
a little bit of heaven and a little bit of
cut it down the middle, open wide, and jump right in

Yeah, yeah, know you love me
yeah, yeah, know you love me
yeah, yeah, know you love me
joy is steeped with sin
yeah, yeah, know you love me
yeah, yeah, know you love me
yeah, yeah, know you love me
joy is steeped with sin

It soars inside my soul because of you
and all the innocence that you inspire
you know you are as heaven intended you
come on, open up your lovely flower

It's all inside your head
[?] enough inside your head
all you need now to make love happen
it's all inside your head
quite enough inside your head
all that you need to make love, yeah

Dancing with the devil 'round a fire
mess your mama's bed for a little more magic
make you wanna run around naked
'cause you know it looks good on you
but you ain't ever had my cornbread
little bit of heaven and a little bit of
cut it down the middle, open wide, and jump right in

It soars inside my soul because of you
all the innocence that you inspire
you know you are as heaven intended you
open up your lovely flower

It's all inside your head
it's all inside of your head
all that you need to make love happen
it's all inside your head
love inside your head
all that you need to make love happen

[scat singing]

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

More regarding Andy Bellomo

Andy Bellomo took baseball seriously. His coach said the 14-year-old was his own worst critic and constantly demanded excellence.

Andy managed to do that while still having fun, said Brad Brazell, head coach of freshman baseball at Phoenix's Barry Goldwater High School.

"He was just a quirky individual," Brazell said. "He (was) just one of those kids who loved

It was that love of life that friends and family said they will remember about Andy, who was injured Saturday in a Phoenix grease fire.

The accident left Andy with severe smoke inhalation and third-degree burns over 60 percent of his body, fire officials said.

Andy was pronounced dead Monday at John C. Lincoln Deer Valley Hospital, authorities said. Several of his organs were donated, his friends said.

Andy was a freshman baseball and football player at Goldwater High School who drummed in his own band and loved to write, friends said Tuesday.

"He wanted to be a pro baseball player, but if he didn't, he would join the Marines or become a drummer," said Marcus Holt, one of Andy's best friends.

Andy's aunt, Victoria Bellomo, said his death was "absolutely horrific."

"In my mind, I can't imagine how this happened except that he was meant to be with God," she said.

"It's such a stupid tragedy, I just can't get over what happened."

The fire was caused by a pot of cooking oil, said Capt. Jeff Peabody of the Phoenix Fire Department.

Andy had been up late at a friend's house planning to cook french fries, but the unattended oil caught fire and set the entire kitchen ablaze, officials said.

The mother at the house tried to evacuate the three boys in the house, but Andy got lost in the smoke and firefighters found him without a pulse in the bedroom, officials said.

Andy was an intelligent teenager who was not afraid to express his affection for loved ones, Victoria Bellomo said.

"He just hugged and loved you," she said.

"(He was) just like an angel. This just breaks my heart."

Brazell said Andy, who was a pitcher, was proud of his school and had wanted to play baseball there since seventh grade, when Andy first met Brazell at baseball camp.

"He was just one of those unique personalities that every high-school kid wants to be," Brazell said. "He was certainly one that didn't worry about fitting in; he was just being himself."

On Thursday, baseball players from Goldwater High will hold a baseball game and barbecue at 5 p.m. at the varsity baseball field, with donations accepted to a memorial fund in Andy's honor.

On Tuesday evening, several hundred people attended a candlelight vigil to remember Andy's life.

They gathered in the area of 19th Avenue and Union Hills Drive, the site of the house that burned.

Shawn Lord had been one of Andy's best friends, along with Marcus, before a falling out in December. Shawn had known Andy for about four years since playing with him at a talent show in school.

While neither had seen each other very often since their fight, Shawn was confident that the two would get back to normal, especially after the two apologized to each other and began to reconcile their conflict.

But Andy died soon after the two had begun to repair their friendship. “I just felt destroyed,” said Shawn, 15.

“He knows I'm sorry.”

Shawn said Andy was an enormous influence on him. Musically, Shawn said Andy helped him to progress as a guitarist, Shawn said.

Andy was very gifted at writing poetry, and he composed the lyrics for the band's music, Shawn said.

Andy's close friends and family are left with fond memories of the times they spent with him. Shawn said one of his best memories with Andy was a time the two of them spent together on the roof of a house discussing what the “beyond” after death.

Marcus, 15, said he recalls singing karaoke with Andy and going to the park to practice baseball.

Before Andy's death, Marcus visited him in the hospital to try to cheer him up with jokes and play music for Andy, who was unconscious at the time.

Marcus said he took some comfort in knowing that Andy's transplanted organs could save lives.

"It makes me feel a little bit better because he just became a hero for . . . other families," Marcus said.

Now if I'd only known him better than I actually did. Seems like he was a really cool person to be around.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Andy Bellomo (1993-2008)

I'm really sad right now; trying to hold back tears as I type this.

I didn't know him as well as I should have, but I considered him a cool kid, though we disagreed on our favorite sports teams.

Andy died over the weekend after getting trapped in a house fire during a sleepover with two friends. They tried to save him, but there was just too much smoke and Andy couldn't see and after a while, collapsed in the hallway of the house. He was taken to the hospital, but it was too late.

He loved baseball. He was a pitcher for Goldwater High School (I graduated from there in 2004) and he dreamed of turning pro someday. If that didn't work out, his family said he also wanted to join the Marines.

Andy's tragic death did turn out a positive, however - his family donated his organs and now three lives have been saved.

Goodbye, but just for now. We'll see you in Heaven when it's our turn.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Does anyone else have a Playstation 3?

Because I now have one, and am looking for people to add to my friends list.

My PSN name is pikachu99, because I'm a Pokemon fan and Pikachu is my favorite Pokemon.

So... any takers?

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

People kill me.

What is up with me getting into stupid arguments with people on the internet? Specifically on Wrong Planet? This time, people more or less telling me I'm an idiot because I went to traditional school over being homeschooled.

Listen, I have a reason for my opinions. I have a reason for favoring traditional schools, no matter how bad things may get for some students. I had a few bad years myself due to unqualified teachers. But you know what? Most of my school years were excellent. I struggled in high school, but I graduated on time due to the help of two specific teachers pushing me at the right times. Most other students would've taken the help for granted. I didn't. Without them, I WOULD NOT BE WHERE I AM TODAY!

So yeah, I have some bias. We all do.

But please, don't tell me I'm stupid because I had great years in traditional school. I'm glad I wasn't homeschooled. I also will not homeschool my future kid(s) either.

You can have your point of view on the subject all you want. But I want no part of it.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Tell Me Why

This is s new song by one of my favorite bands, P.O.D.

It's what most Americans have wanted to say for years, but can't for fear of being called unpatriotic.

A day without glory, a heart filled with fear
still repeating his story to make ourselves clear.
A voice is unheard when it shouts from the hills.
Your king in his castle never died on these fields.
There's blood on your hands,
a smile on your face.
A wicked intention when there's money to be made.
A room with no windows
and a heart that can't feel.
Shame with no convictions and a view to a kill.

Tell me why?
Why must we fight?
And why must we kill in the name of what we think is right?
No more! No war!
Cause how do you know?

The hate in your eyes,
the lies on your tongue.
A hand that kills the innocent
so quick to do wrong.
Your belly is full while we fight for what remains.
The rich getting richer
while the poor become slaves.
We kill our own brothers.
The truth is never told.
If victory is freedom, then the truth is untold.
Surrender your soul just like everyone else.
If love is my religion, don't speak for myself.

Tell me why?
Why must we fight?
And why must we kill in the name of what we think is right?
No more! No war!
Cause how do you know?

How do you know?

Tell me why?
Why must we fight?
And why must we kill in the name of what we think is right?
No more! No war!
Cause how do you know?

I'm living this life.
I'm given these lies.
And how can I die in the name
of what you think is right?
No more! Oh Lord!
How do we know?

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Lost Innocence

Damn, I can't quote a single line from this song, because that wouldn't do it justice. So instead, here's the whole darn thing:

I've been blessed and I've been cursed.
I've done my best and seen the worst.
I've been cruel and I've been kind.
I've followed rules and crossed the line.
Well I've been loved and I've been hated.
I've been trapped, then liberated.
I've been bad and I've been good.
My words misread, then understood, yeah.

Lost innocence, trying to get back to where I used to be.
Lost innocence, hoping that there's something waiting for me.
Lost innocence, have I even learned a single useful thing
or have I lost, in a sense?

I've been strong and I've been weak.
I've learned to turn the other cheek.
I've been shown and I've been blind.
I've said my peace, then changed my mind.
Well I've been lost and I've been found.
I've built things up, then burned them down.
I've been wrong and I've been right.
I've saved the day, then spent the night, yeah.

Lost innocence, trying to get back to where I used to be.
Lost innocence, hoping that there's something waiting for me.
Lost innocence, have I even learned a single useful thing
or have I lost, in a sense?

I've been drunk and I've been sober.
I've tied one on and pulled one over.
I've been rude, I've been polite.
Been right on time, then missed the flight.
I've been sick and I've been well
at Heaven's gate and on the road to Hell.
Well, I've been smooth and I've been rough.
I've wanted more, then had enough, yeah.

Lost innocence, trying to get back to where I used to be.
Lost innocence, hoping that there's something waiting for me.
Lost innocence, have I even learned a single useful thing
or have I lost, in a sense?

Have I lost innocence?

Now to get into what I wanted to post.

Eric Stuart, better known to anime fans as the English voice of Seto Kaiba on Yu-Gi-Oh and the original English voices of Brock and James on Pokemon, is also a musician/singer/songwriter (he just happens to sing the song I quoted).

I love his music so much I got two of his CDs for my birthday back in September, directly from him.

Anyway, Eric recently gave me his home address so I can send in my CD booklets for him to sign!

Evidentally his autograph is extremely rare, so it totally made my day when he told me he'd do it.

I needed some cheering up, and this was more than enough to do that!

I'll post pics after I get 'em back.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Eh Hee

Be wary of those who believe in a neat little world, cuz it's fuckin' crazy
- Dave Matthews, Eh Hee.

Well, there's a member of Wrong Planet that DOES believe in a neat little world, and I DO think she's fuckin' crazy.

I won't mention a name, but she believes vaccines are poison and is refusing to vaccinate her future kids based on nothing but the bullshit hippie propaganda she's being fed.

I had a fucking meltdown after I replied to her latest rant. Ended up hurting my knee on accident because I was so enraged I didn't feel anything.

Wrong Planet, I feel, is not strict enough when it comes to these people. Except if your name is John Best, that is. When he trolled WP a few months ago, some of us begged the mods to NOT ban him, as we were having fun watching him make a fool of himself. But now, when someone deserves to be banned, the mods don't do a fucking thing.

Oh well.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Tripping Billies

Starting with this post, I'm going to try to use a relevant song title for each post title.

I hate stereotypes. Stereotypes regarding my taste in music is the absolute worst.

Evidentally I'm gay because I'm a guy who listens to boy bands.
Evidentally I'm on the ganja because I like reggae and jam bands.
Evidentally I'm a redneck because I like country music and am from Kentucky.
Evidentally I'm a neo-Nazi because one of my favorite folk songs was once performed by Skrewdriver.
Evidentally I'm on LSD because I like psychedelic pop music.

Geez, people. Grow the f*** up.

Thanks for the responses

As the post title says.

The responses I got were more or less what I expected. All opinions are valid to me regardless of agreement or disagreement, and I just wanted to conduct a small experiment.

On a side note, I got a comment from Anonymous (that I rejected from the queue) which was an anti-thimerosal rant and nothing more.

Sorry Anonymous, this isn't 4chan. I don't tolerate that stuff on this blog unless you have the decency to reveal yourself. The anonymous comments were only enabled to allow friends who don't have blogger accounts to comment.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

A poll re: the puzzle ribbon logo

Just a quick poll: For or against the puzzle ribbon?

Give reasons why, if possible. My personal stance is that I'm for it. It's the easiest way to spread positive awareness in my opinion and don't see any negatives about it. I've read that it's "only used by those promoting a cure for autism", which is the most incorrect statement I've ever come across regarding it.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Asperger's Speaks: It's Time to Rant

The Autism Speaks message board has some unique characters.

Mostly parents, some autistics. A few of the parents there are extremely nice and willing to listen to what I have to say. Combine their comments with the ones I've gotten from this blog and the Neurointegrity board (link on side), I've gotten too many positive comments to count.

So really, I know I've done a good job at the end of each day.

But some don't agree with that. I've annoyed several people and I have no clue why. One person has even gone as far as labeling me a rep for Big Pharma. As if! I am truly one of the most open-minded and nicest people on the entire intarwebz. I don't purposely try to annoy people. That's just not my style.

I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. But I'm not the annoying ass**** some think I am.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Dear Jenny Mac:

Do us a favor and hush.

You're a cluless skank and nothing more than that. You are NOT an expert and you definitely do NOT speak for all mothers.

So this is World Autism Day

And so far, so good, though I sadly don't expect it to end this way. Media-wise, anyway.

CNN has aired a one-hour special highlighting stories of various autisic children and young adults. I liked it, except for the very end when CNN just HAD to link people to Autism Speaks AND the NAA. They're probably going to do this all day.

I would have no qualms if they linked people to the ASA, but since their head honcho ain't loaded like the Wrights, well... you get the idea.

Sadly, money talks. Especially when it comes to autism.

As for what I will be doing, more or less the same as every other day. Wear my autism lanyard, and my puzzle ribbon lapel pin. I'm probably the only Hub blogger with one of the latter, but then again, I don't see what's so bad about it. Even as an aspie.

Oh well. You do your thing, and I'll do mine.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

I now resume my regular posting schedule...

Thanks everyone.

Dad is back home and doing much better. Downside is that he'll have to take Warfarin for the rest of his life.

Other than that, things are back to normal.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Dad had a stroke.

My dad is in the hospital as I type this, if you can't already tell. He's doing good right now, though things can change. Hopefully nothing else happens.

Posting here will be discontinued until further notice.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

21 and still feeling like a young kid.

And I couldn't be any happier.

A couple days ago, I added something new to my "loves" list: Pingu.

Now I'm left wondering why I never saw this show as a kid and why it took me all this time to discover how clever and funny it is. Makes me sad, in a way.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Reconnecting with family...

So I guess Myspace is actually good for something.

Three people I haven't seen in a long time (one of them, not since I moved to AZ in 1995) have found me on Myspace.

Considering how sucky the search function is there, I don't really know how. But it's a pleasant surprise. I now realize how much I miss it back home. I'd gladly do anything to move back there.

There's so much I've missed. I have two young cousins who don't really know me all that well. I want to change that.

I miss my family so much.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Auto racing predictions

I have been a racing fan, literally, my entire life.

Been watching NASCAR the entire time, but am now an open-wheel fan. I have near-encyclopedic knowledge of Formula 1 history.

Here are my predictions for 2008, for the two series:

Jimmie Johnson wins the Daytona 500.

Juan Pablo Montoya defends his win at Sears Point and also becomes the first foreign-born Cup champion.

Robert Kubica wins the Monaco Grand Prix.

Lewis Hamilton wins the Formula 1 driver's title, while McLaren wins the constructor's title.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Songs I have recorded recently (and where they can be heard)

Here is list of songs I have done, for a couple projects in the works:

Proud Autistic
Green Day - "Time of Your Life"
Green Day - "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"
Keith Whitley - "When You Say Nothing at All"
Blindside - "Silence"
Tom Petty - "I Won't Back Down"

Acoustic Tribute to the Best Band Ever (and no, it's not The Beatles)
"Running to Stand Still"
"The First Time"

A few of these are on my music Myspace site, which there is a link for to the top right.

Feedback is always appreciated.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

My thoughts regarding a "cure"

Plain and simple, really.

I don't want or need one for myself. Unless they could develop a way to cure the comorbids without losing the positive aspects of autism, excellent. But they haven't, and they can't.

But I'm not anti-cure, despite what I think. If an autistic person would want to be cured when/if one is available, I have no objections. But it should only be up to the autist. Nobody else.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Coming soon: My life story, set to music.


Right now, I'm writing lyrics to a song that has been 21 years in the making. My entire life, from when I was an infant, to now, will be written into lyrics.

This is a personal project to me, and I don't want to disappoint.

Updates to follow.

Friday, February 1, 2008

I FINALLY got my textbook for class


Two whole weeks after class officially started.

But it's not my fault the books are so expensive. Even USED copies cost too much.

Well, at least I can now officially begin my life as an amateur web designer...

I may just get to volunteer after all!

I was informed that the specialized training provided by Phoenix Children's Hospital that is "very costly" may not be such a big deal to worry about.

It more than likely wouldn't cost me anything, but it would cost them a lot. Because I read that these sessions would probably involve learning how to deal with the various special needs these kids have and learning what to do in case something were to go wrong.

Many of the patients there have not only psychological and mental disorders, but potentially life-threatening illnesses and diseases. In case something were to happen, I would need to know everything.

I think this is what they mean by "very costly".

I am serious about this and am more than willing to go through with it.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Why is it that...

Every time I find a volunteer opportunity, it disappears from me before I can even apply?

Several months back, I intended to volunteer for Big Brothers Big Sisters. Sounds good, except the local branch here requires a valid driver's license. Seeing as how I can't legally obtain one due to my sensory issues, I'm out of luck there.

Fast-forward to now. I find an opportunity at Phoenix Children's Hospital. Transportation could be worked out. Volunteers are required to have specialized training, which they provide in-house. No problem for me, except their website says this training is "very costly". What does that mean, exactly? If it's money, than I'm screwed. Again.

And none of it is my fault.

Issues with the Autism Speaks message boards... again.

I was told by some of the more open-minded regulars there that they appreciated my presence, as a spectrum adult. They could learn from my experiences while at the same time, I could learn from them, seeing as how I plan on adopting a spectrum kid in a few years.

That was from November until December. After my failed suicide attempt, they were concerned for me.

But then this month, the forum went completely to Hell. Now I'm told I'm ignorant and that my advice as a spectrum adult is no longer appreciated. Yet at the same time, there are at least four other spectrum adults there who AREN'T getting flamed for their advice. Their advice is exactly the same as mine, just worded more vaguely than what I say.

What the Hell gives? Why the Hell aren't they being flamed for their advice?

Nothing against the open-minded parents on the forums, or the adult autistics, if you're reading this. But I'm tired. I want to leave that board for good, but I just can't.

It's like Hotel California at that message board.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Me = singer

While I'm hoping to become a professional web designer within a couple of years from now, I'm doing some singing and writing too. Right now, all I have done are cover songs (using some very crappy karaoke tracks for most of them), but if anyone wants to hear some of my work, I have added my music Myspace to my links section. Some of these will also be on my Youtube profile, also available in the the links.

Currently working on two albums. One is an album promoting awareness of autism, covering both the positive and negative sides.

The other is a tribute to U2, with each song on it played in an acoustic setting on my new Gibson.

After that, who knows? Perhaps I will get an original song up there someday. But with college going on, added to my ongoing musical projects, that will have to wait.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Various things to reflect upon

From December to now, a lot of things have happened in my life.

12/30: I attempted (and almost succeeded) suicide. Don't know how or even why I'm still alive. I've been given too many chances as it is.

Early Jan.: I became a registered organ donor in the state of Arizona. If something were to happen to me (whether self-inflicted or by accident), I would want to help others even in death. Should one (or more) of my organs not be usable, they will be donated to medical research.

Mid-Jan. to now: I have started to become more open about myself to my Dad. He has never seen my meltdowns or my self-injury in person, so I felt it was time to end the silence.

He also now knows about my plans for the future. When college is finished somewhere down the line, and I have some money to my name, I plan to adopt a special needs child. Probably will be a boy, and one who has an ASD. Of course, it would be hard starting out (single, can't drive, and I would need a place to stay for the first few months), but I know I can do it. My Dad knows it too. He supports my decision 100 percent.

I love my Dad. I don't say that to him often enough.

Sunday, January 27, 2008


It's raining here as I type this.

I hate rain. It's cold and wet and my sensory issues, which normally don't involve touch, kick in. I realize rain is needed in some places, but I hate it still.

I want to go outside right now.

But I can't.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Welcome, Autism Hub members and readers

Thanks for accepting me.

I feel honored to be finally accepted in a group. Virtually or otherwise.

I hope I can do you all good.

There is a musician I feel I need to share with people.

His name is Mike Doughty.

He used the pseudonym M. Doughty as a member of "deep slacker jazz" (term coined by Doughty himself) band Soul Coughing. But he has been went solo in 2000, and went on to form Mike Doughty's Band in 2004.

He has released two albums and two EP's, with a new album, entitled Golden Delicious, due in mid-February.

You can sample three of his older songs here, until his site gets redesigned.

He's kinda like Bob Dylan, in that he is an excellent writer, but my goodness, he can't sing to save his life. Despite this (or even in spite of this), I still like his stuff.

Majority of his songs are sad, and he's bipolar, so he balances out his concerts with hilarious banter. Several recordings of his shows can be found on, under the Live Music Archive.

Oh, and a word of warning to anyone downloading the live material: Most of his songs are clean (one use of the 'f-word' in the song "Tremendous Brunettes"), but his language otherwise, isn't clean. So if you are offended by such language, don't listen. Please.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Clinical evaluation may be happening soon

Dad's emailing the psychologist, to see if I can qualify as a patient.

She is technically a pediatric neuropsychologist, but her bio says she also works with young adults, and she is the only ASD specialist in the Phoenix area that doesn't require a referral.

So we'll see.

Get the AS diagnosis and see what's triggering my depression.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

In the mail...

Today, the things I got from AutismLink arrived.

I now own an Autism Awareness lanyard (to hold my keys) and a puzzle ribbon lapel pin.

Several adults on the spectrum (as well as some parents of kids) don't like the puzzle logo, and they have valid reasons for their viewpoints.

But I'm not one of them. To me, it is the easiest way of raising awareness in public. Since I appear normal to most people, they don't know about my autism. Hopefully, me wearing these items will change this.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Autism and self-injury

Harold Doherty from Facing Autism in New Brunswick posted this entry several days ago, regarding his son's self-injuries.

Mr. Doherty,

I do agree with you that there is no joy in self-injurious behavior. I do it myself. I don't bite, though. I scratch my wrists and punch myself in the forehead. I would like it to stop. But I have no control over when meltdowns occur, and it just happens.

But on the other hand, I still find joy in autism. Perhaps another time, I will explain my reasoning more.

If there were cures for depression, anxiety, stress, meltdowns and self-harm, I would take them in an instant. But these aren't autism, they are comorbid conditions. I don't need cured of my autism. I like who I am, regardless of my own issues.

It is possible to find joy in autism without finding joy in the comorbids.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

I dread the year of 2012.

This is when it has been said that Compact Fluorescent Lights will be made mandatory in the United States.

I don't like this one bit.

1. They're useful if you want extreme sensory overload, and that's really all. They're too bright.

2. They emit dangerous levels of mercury vapor, more than what you would get from Thimerosal, amalgam fillings and fish combined.

3. If you accidentally break one, you are required to call HazMat and evacuate your home until they arrive and give an "All clear".

4. They don't last nearly as long as advertised.

Damn this government.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Of all the things I hate in this world,

One of the things I hate most is being taken out of context.

One certain member of the Autism Speaks forum thinks I have "zero credibility" because I never received an official autism diagnosis.

Look. Just because I am undiagnosed officially, does not make me not credible. I am not a liar. I never misrepresent myself. Ever. There are many autistic adults who NEVER get diagnosed.

All this because of a topic about stimming. He expects the poster to blindly follow his advice (going GFCF), while I say that the poster can do this, but to see a pediatrician first. GFCF is not only very restrictive, but it is quite expensive and the foods available (other than rice) literally taste like sh!t. GFCF should never be done without consulting a doctor and getting GI tests done. This is ALL I said, and this person decides to repeatedly go ad hominem on me.

That was the final straw. I have to log in to read PM's I've been sent, but otherwise, I am finished.

I may make one final post when my diagnosis becomes official (and it WILL, you can count on it), though I also may not.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Life ain't always beautiful.

Gary Allan sang this song about his deceased wife, but I find I can relate to much of it.

Life ain't always beautiful.
Sometimes it's just plain hard.
Life can knock you down.
It can break your heart.

Life ain't always beautiful.
You think you're on your way.
And it's just a dead end road
at the end of the day.

But the struggles make you stronger,
and the changes make you wise.
And happiness has it's own way
of taking it's own sweet time.

No, life ain't always beautiful.
Tears will fall sometimes.
Life ain't always beautiful,
but it's a beautiful ride.

Life ain't always beautiful.
Some days I miss your smile.
I get tired of walking
all these lonely miles.

And wish for just one minute,
that I could see your pretty face.
Guess I can dream,
but life don't work that way.

But the struggles make me stronger,
and the changes make me wise.
And happiness has it's own way
of taking it's sweet time.

No, life ain't always beautiful.
But I know I'll be fine.
Life ain't always beautiful,
but it's a beautiful ride.

What a beautiful ride.

I'm applying for Medicaid.

Since I don't work and my dad pays for everything when he can barely pay for himself, I'm applying for ACCHS, which is Arizona's Medicaid service. Hopefully I get approved, as I need more dental work done (two more molars need out as soon as possible) and hopefully I can get fillings put in as well.

Second thing I will do if approved?

Get a flu shot. I hate needles a lot, but I hate the flu even more. I should also check and see when my last tetanus shot was. Last vax I got was the third in the Hep. B series, so I could stay in high school or be expelled (somehow I never got the third one when I was younger).

Friday, January 18, 2008

Things I wish I could've told my parents sooner.

I think I have been blessed to have such wonderful and understanding parents.

I know they're blessed to have me in their lives.

However, there are some things they don't know about me. I need to come clean.

1. I have extreme sensory issues, which if left untreated, will prohibit me from driving. Ever. Even if I wanted to, Arizona state law forbids this. It's a mere safety issue, which is understandable. I need sunglasses wherever there is a fluorescent light (and I'm surrounded by them). The same applies to sunlight, strobe lights and really, just about any light source. I need earplugs when I'm walking to Arco or to Target. It's THAT bad.

Whenever I return home from somewhere, I have frequent meltdowns due to sensory overload. Thankfully I'm alone when they occur, as they get rather ugly at times. Do you really think I should be driving? I don't.

2. I'm a lover of things cute and cuddly. Especially stuffed animals and other plush dolls. Matter of fact, during my most recent trip to Target, I bought myself a new teddy bear. If this somehow makes me "girly" or whatever, please tell me. I could honestly care less about how people perceive me. I want to be me and nobody should make me into something I'm not.

3. High-functioning autism/Asperger's syndrome is NOT a bad thing. The reason technology and science have progressed this much is because many of the world's greatest minds were autistic. Newton, Galileo, Einstein, Bill Gates. Just to name a few. Some autistics have even made great progress in music. There is autistic savant Matt Savage, as well as Gary Numan and Craig Nicholls (of The Vines). Heck, John Lennon is speculated to have had AS. Judging by his profoud way with written language, plus his mannerisms during interviews, I tend to agree with this.

So really, just because I might have AS, and am not currently holding a paying job, doesn't mean I'll end up a nobody. I'll work when I'm ready to. Right now, I'm not ready. There's a chance I may never be ready. So please, don't try to rush me.

There was a #4, but I can't remember it right now. Perhaps I will at a later date.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Want an autism support forum, but can't deal with the political B.S.?

Well, there's good news.

Thomas McKean now has a place where you can get this.

Neurointegrity. All the support, none of the crap.

There are ND subscribers there, and there are those who don't affiliate themselves with ND.

There are biomed parents, and there are those who chose the traditional methods.

Best of all, autistics are allowed to be autistic and happy without people shoving political crap in their faces.

Come, join. We need more members!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Question: Who would you rather be like, Babe Ruth, or Michael Jackson?

Anyone is open to answer this. Autistic, or not.

My answer: Michael Jackson, without question.

Michael is an adult kid, that has been falsely accused of child molestation twice. He loves animals and helping those in need. Especially underprivileged kids.

Babe Ruth was one of the greatest baseball players of all time. But he was also a jerk, a drunk and a womanizer.

I would rather be an adult kid than a drunk womanizer.

But that's just me.

Monday, January 14, 2008

College semester is starting.

This semester I am getting into web design. I know some html already, and I hope this will help me to learn even more.

Better yet, I am doing it online. Even better than that, the class format is "go at your own pace", which is better for someone like me, as I need to take my time to do certain things.

One of these days, you all will be asking ME to design your websites :)

Sunday, January 13, 2008

A couple things...


I've been getting a lot of anon comments lately. I'm ok with that. But please, let me know who you are. Makes things so much easier for me.


I am now a registered organ donor in the state of Arizona. This is something I feel very strongly about, and it makes me happier knowing that when I go, someone's life could be saved.

If that fails and none of my organs can be used for whatever, I have also given permission for the state to give my parts to a medical research facility.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

I'm leaving the Autism Speaks forum.

I can't take the damn bickering any longer.

I'm not blaming a sole person or side. Both sides are to blame.

As Ed Kowalczyk once said in a song, "Calm the fuck down".

Until that happens, you won't see me there any longer except by private message.


Tuesday, January 8, 2008

I can has accusation?

Let me quote a post on WrongPlanet:

I think Beau99 works for the government or the prescription drug seems to be a recurring theme with him.

Ha! As if!

I actually consider this an honor, though. I now officially join the ranks of Autism Diva and Amanda Baggs as having been accused of being a Big Pharma representative. Since both of them are good people, I can't help but feel a rise in my ego :)

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

We humans don't give our cats enough credit


On December 30, while I lay in bed, actually close to death, my cat could tell something was wrong with me.

These cats are smarter than we think. I think that many of them, may actually be aspies in disguise. I really mean it.

Every cat I've known has had at least three aspie traits. From sensory issues, all the way to wanting to be alone most of the day. I'm sure I've seen one or two actually stimming.

There's a book, entitled All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome, which only helps my theory. The book is aimed at kids, though I think it's complete fact.

This blog post opened my eyes.

Normally I don't link to other people's entries, but now is an exception.

This is aimed at autistics/aspies who don't think they're disabled. Read it. Multiple times, if you need to. There are others who don't fit in this category, who may be educated by it.

Welcome to the Disability Community.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

It's 2008.

Well, this is the first entry for the new year.

I can't really think of any goals for the year, except for one.

That is getting this depression under control. As I was poisoned by Paxil I'd rather not go the medication route again. I am going to see a psychologist soon, hopefully. The sooner, the better.

For those who don't know me from other places, I attempted suicide on December 30. I intentionally overdosed on vicodin. I took 6 pills at once. With my low body weight, 1 or 2 more probably would have killed me. I almost stopped breathing twice. So I am very lucky to be typing this.

So the sooner we work something out, the better off I will be in the long term.

I have said it before, but I will say it again.

I am autistic and proud. But I really f%^&ing hate depression and everything that comes with it.